December 01, 2003

I’m never sure how to answer the intense emails I receive from my visionary Indian friend. His last email has been sitting in my mailbox for over a week, and though I read it quite a few times I still don’t know what to write in reply. He’s so disgustingly deep and mysterious at times that everything I can possibly say in response seems dull and uninteresting.

In his last email he confronted me with my own words, the bastard. Back in September I told him that life got to the point where “I no longer loved or dreamed and I wasn’t even sure that I still had a soul or a heart. Everything I did was desperate, mechanical, and lonely, and I felt as though I killed life itself.” In his email he reminded me of the line I’ve written, and that I’m now back at the same point — everything is maddeningly cyclical.

And what can I reply to that?