Samsara
December 13, 2003
This evening’s conversation with a friend ended with the phone slammed in frustration at the other end. Before the shattering silence, my friend reminded me of what’s important: my mind and my body. Lately I’ve been dazzled by the world of passion around me. I’ve embraced Samsara, the world of illusion and all of its attractions, and on some level I too have become unreal, unsettled.
I suddenly have the great urge to simplify my life. Things are getting needlessly complicated: politics, women, and jealousy combine in absurd ways. I hear of gossip, unrest, and whispers behind close doors. I hear so many intrigues I’m no longer sure what’s real and what’s not. Once exams are over I’ll strive to shatter illusions and reach some sort of clarity.
Until then, I need to cling on to the illusion that I know enough to do amazingly well on tomorrow’s exam. Samsara is both a blessing and a curse.
Posted by Tudor at 12:42 AM in Various Positions | TrackBack“I’m no longer sure what’s real and what’s not…”
I think that Maximus in ‘Gladiator’ has the same problem when he’s trying to remember what his wife and son looked like before the Romans raped and killed them.
When he wakes up and finds himself enslaved to some fat fuck, he probably doesn’t want to believe that he’s sunk that low either.
None the less, he painfully scratches off the tatoo that reminds him of his former life and bravely soldiers on because evil doesn’t always destroy itself.
***
You don’t want to be President, Tudor. You want to desperately break away from the past and transfix everyone around you like Christ.
Learn to play the guitar, we’ll start a band…
Posted by: Brian on December 13, 2003 at 01:34 AMDear Brian, I would like nothing better than to be President ;). The past is always with me (it is me), so there’s no longer any need to run away from it.
And yes, I do want to transfix everyone around me.
Posted by: Tudor on December 13, 2003 at 06:01 PM“I suddenly have the great urge to simplify my life”
“I would like nothing better than to be President”
^Do you see how these two statements contradict each other?
Whatever contradiction you see is merely imagined: my statements are coherent, beautiful. I want to get away from petty intrigue and concern myself with things that matter to myself and to others.
Yes, that is all.
Posted by: Tudor on December 13, 2003 at 08:19 PM