March 2004 Archives
Shoeless
I biked in the rain yesterday and arrived at school wet and breathless to find Trevor crouched at the top of the stairs, waiting to see Dr. Faflak. “You need to come see me,” he told Trevor earlier, so I…Continue reading "Shoeless"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 31, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Crazy Talk
For over a week Brian has been running around telling everyone that I’m mad. “I wouldn’t trust Tudor. He’s not stable,” he says, explaining that I meet all of the diagnostics criteria for the Antisocial Personality Disorder. Brian’s lack of…Continue reading "Crazy Talk"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 30, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Ways to Fly
On wobbly knees I leaned over the precipice and shouted, “What do you do when you’re on top of the world?” A hundred feet beneath me the river billowed through the gorge with a deafening sound. I was alone…Continue reading "Ways to Fly"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 29, 2004 in Here & There
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Cradle of Flesh
The campus security caught him, disliked his man-nipples, and asked him to leave the premises for the night.Continue reading "Cradle of Flesh"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 27, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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New Sleeping Bag Day
Thursdays are windy and fresh. And because this Thursday smelt so inviting, and I had a new sleeping bag under my arm and a bottle of wine in my backpack, I decided to bike through the community trails that crisscross…Continue reading "New Sleeping Bag Day"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 25, 2004 in Bike Rides
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Know our Velocity
Slightly drunk and naked I followed Trevor into his room last Friday so he could give me one of his fantastic books. “It’s lovely,” he said picking up from his shelf Eggers’ You Shall Know Our Velocity, and I believed…Continue reading "Know our Velocity"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 24, 2004 in Writing & the Media
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Bitter Mixed with Random
I was bitter as fuck this morning — yesterday’s intensely personal discussion about nakedness got on my nerves and the comments I received overnight didn’t exactly put a smile on my face either. Banning people didn’t improve my mood much…Continue reading "Bitter Mixed with Random"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 23, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Fruit Salad
Heather was eating her fruit salad when I tried to show her my nipples, but she winced and averted her eyes once I lifted my shirt. Trevor and I ran into her today while I was scratching his ear with…Continue reading "Fruit Salad"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 22, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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How to Dance Naked in Trevor’s Kitchen
As payment, he keeps a sample of your urine in a jar and makes you dance in his kitchen.Continue reading "How to Dance Naked in Trevor's Kitchen"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 20, 2004 in How To
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Magic is Alive
Random events subtly join to unleash beauty. Since my piercing I’ve been gloomy as fuck — that needle ripping through living tissue deflated me utterly. I slumbered away the last few days, rolled up into a ball of sensitivity. It…Continue reading "Magic is Alive"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 19, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Mediating Reality
Since the Cord appeared on campus this morning I’ve been known as the guy in the newspaper who pierced his nipple. Everyone I ran into knew about my nipple — people either read my article (and cringed) or looked…Continue reading "Mediating Reality"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 18, 2004 in Writing & the Media
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Eyes in my Nipples
My nipple developed a mind of its own, and now my existence revolves almost entirely around it. I have to wash it and take constant care of it. I write long articles about it in The Cord. If my nipple…Continue reading "Eyes in my Nipples"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 17, 2004 in Various Positions
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How to Get Your Nipple Pierced
An itch is what you get in your ass when you want to scratch it.Continue reading "How to Get Your Nipple Pierced"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 15, 2004 in How To
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Until my Voice Grew Shrill
Do all ad hominem arguments backfire miserably? I was peacefully drinking my tea in Kathy’s room when the silly discussion started. Heather and Bernard were talking about crime, and the more I listened the more irritated I became. Their discussion…Continue reading "Until my Voice Grew Shrill"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 14, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Slave Driver
Katie West twisted my arm before tonight’s Student Publications bowling tournament. “I need you to write a story by Tuesday,” she said. Her hands were warm, sensual. “No,” I whimpered as she twisted my arm some more. “Auch! Fine, Tuesday…Continue reading "Slave Driver"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 13, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Sleepless, Falling
I keep falling. At 5:15 this morning, in the blistering cold, the lights turned red in front of me. For a second I thought I could make it across, flexed my muscles, but quickly changed my mind when the…Continue reading "Sleepless, Falling"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 12, 2004 in Writing & the Media
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Blanket
“Girls smell sublime!” I thought as I untangled myself from Heather’s blanket in the morning. I awoke feeling warm and dreamy, and if it wasn’t for Alysia’s voice filling up the gaps between slumber and reality, I would have…Continue reading "Blanket"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 10, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Cunt
Heather laughed as she handed me a blanket and a tube of toothpaste. “You’re a university hobo,” she said when I told her that I’m spending the night on campus to finish up some work before tomorrow’s 8 am emergency…Continue reading "Cunt"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 10, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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Uncomplicate
David Alexander wants to profit from my brilliance. “Write me a story,” he said. Because he lies so prettily I agreed to write him something uncomplicated and mildly pornographic for his fiction anthology. I didn’t start writing my story yet…Continue reading "Uncomplicate"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 08, 2004 in Writing & the Media
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A Jest of God
Heather and I start arguing as soon as we enter a bookstore. She dislikes most of the books I love — they bore her, she says — and I always fail to convey to her the exquisite shivers books send…Continue reading "A Jest of God"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 07, 2004 in Writing & the Media
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How to Fall from the Sky
“Did my body make a thump?” you ask as you start walking again.Continue reading "How to Fall from the Sky"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 06, 2004 in How To
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Men’s Washroom, Third Floor
Matt, the new vice-chair of the Board of Directors, is an enthusiastic young man who is working hard to keep social relations well lubricated. That’s why he’s eager to secretly meet with all the board members sometime tomorrow. “Choose a…Continue reading "Men's Washroom, Third Floor"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 05, 2004 in Politics
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Crossroads
I was standing at the corner of University and King, waiting for the lights to change, when I noticed him roaring against the traffic. “How strange,” I thought, and so did the people around him who quickly dispersed avoiding eye…Continue reading "Crossroads"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 04, 2004 in Various Positions
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I Read the News Today, Oh Boy
This morning I rushed into the Cord’s office craving to get my hands on this week’s paper. I’ve been waiting desperately for the Cord since Monday morning when April Cunningham, the news editor, interviewed me about the VP hiring controversy….Continue reading "I Read the News Today, Oh Boy"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 03, 2004 in Politics
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Moaning for Faflak
Around Trevor words are jabbed, not spoken, and sentences are screamed violently. “Dr. Faflak is going away,” Trevor screamed at me last week. His words sounded like thunder, deadly. Apparently, Faflak wants to get away from Laurier and from the…Continue reading "Moaning for Faflak"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 02, 2004 in Friends & Lovers
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And the Gods will Answer
The God of technology himself answered my Cord article bewailing the futility of studying computer science in the age of outsourcing. Bill Gates went on a lecture tour last week trying to convince students that they can still earn a…Continue reading "And the Gods will Answer"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 01, 2004 in Writing & the Media
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