How to Leave Martha
July 17, 2004
Hijack the family car and ride East for three hours to see the girl you missed tragically ever since she left you in the middle of a storm. After three hours of driving you’ll collapse in her arms and the world will melt into tenderness. Run your hands through her hair and realize that her shoulders are the most wonderful things in the world.
She has to work in the afternoon, so touch her hair again and drop her off saying “goodbye” softly. Afterwards, sit inside Chapters sniffing your hands uncontrollably for half an hour — they smell of her hair and tenderness.
Earlier in the day she took you to St. Catherine Tekakwitha Catholic School and you nearly came in the car.
“I’m only worthy to lick your toes,” you whispered, recalling Beautiful Losers.
So you leave Chapters and sit in the car thinking of her toes until she comes out of the store to show you a night full of lights and bats, a night filled with soft caresses on park benches and delicate mosquito bites. She wants to see it draw blood.
You return to her home to a bottle of wine and a swimming pool, and dip your feet next to hers. In the morning, your pants and socks are wet on the lawn and she’s hungry and beautiful.
And to fill her hunger, you get in the hijacked car and drive to Toronto to meet Trevor for lunch. The sky is grey and full of power lines.
“This is Trevorland,” you say, reminded of his fixation with wires that mercilessly splice the sky.
With Trevor, there’s lunch and warmth, and you fall in love with both all over again right there on the sidewalk. With food in your bellies you return to Trevor’s apartment where you spend the afternoon in your underwear, photographed near typewriters with your eyes in her bosom.
You can feel the storm in the air as you leave his home with Martha. You also feel sweaty and nervous holding her hand — this is the last hour you’ll spend with her. Tomorrow you’re jumping on a bike and riding away from her. An incredible sadness flows between the two of you, and you’re both strangely out of words.
Now that you’ve meet the girl who turns you on in every way, you decide to ride 2000 km away from her. What sort of man would do that? You feel like a fucking idiot holding her hand, but she understands what you need.
“Come close to death,” she whispers, holding you tight, “but don’t die.”
Her words echo oddly as you drive the hijacked car back home and the sky breaks lose in agony. The windshield whipers and mad, monstrous things. You want to turn the car around and take her with you, but you continue to drive through the storm feeling miserable.
That’s what you get for leaving Martha.
Posted by Tudor at 07:17 AM in Scenes from a Bike | TrackBackGirls come & go. This trip will last a lifetime!! Don’t let emotional attachment get in the way of your dreams & goals. You’ll only end up in misery. Besides, absence only makes the heart grow fonder.
Posted by: RaZor on July 17, 2004 at 07:54 PMway-ta make a gal feel special. Martha isn’t just some “emotional attachment”. that sounds so… frigid.
Posted by: Visionary Indian Friend on July 17, 2004 at 08:56 PMWell, you know what I mean. Tudor’s been psyching himself up for this bike tour for a couple of months now. He only recently hooked up with Martha. I would hate for him to not enjoy his bike tour as much as he should simply because he’ll be thinking of Martha too much, & missing her too much. Not that I am saying she’s some sort of bad person or nothing … just that by thinking of her (& other family & friends) will make Tudor homesick, & that’s no good! The guy needs to enjoy this trip because who knows when he’ll get another opportunity to do something like this again??
Posted by: RaZor on July 18, 2004 at 09:26 AMPardon me, but isn’t it a little inappropriate to be commenting on the MarthaTudor relationship here?
woah, something contained within the realm of a tudor blog-entry inappropriate? NO! get out!
Posted by: ikabod on July 18, 2004 at 04:22 PM“You want to turn the car around and take her with you, but you continue to drive through the storm feeling miserable.”
Zorianna, I was referring to this last paragraph. I was getting the impression that Tudor wasn’t having a good time on his trip so far partly because he was leaving a special person behind & feeling homesick (not that it is her fault or anything. Hey, we’ve all been crazy for someone before at one point or another!). I’m just saying Tudor needs to forget home for now cause he’s got a long month ahead of him. Being homesick is only going to make matters worse. I am just trying to reassure Tudor that he will be okay. That’s all. Sorry if that didn’t come out the right way the first time around.
I had no intention on discussing his personal relationships nor do I personally care. And no, I don’t think it is inappropriate to be discussing the “Martha-Tudor relationship,” as you are suggesting I am. If Tudor didn’t want it to be brought up, then maybe he shouldn’t be blogging about it on the Internet for everyone to see.
Posted by: RaZor on July 18, 2004 at 08:54 PMMissing someone to the point of misery is one of the best feelings in the world!
And don’t listen to what RaZor says about emotional attachments. Personal relationships are the essence of hapiness.
“And don’t listen to what RaZor says about emotional attachments. Personal relationships are the essence of hapiness.”
Actually, I never said that. If you re-read my original post, what I mean is that love should never get in the way of a person’s goals & dreams. If they do, then it is not real love you are experiencing. A true love will never ever prevent you from fulfilling your potential.
But apparently I am way off base here, so continue to be miserable & homesick. No need for you to enjoy a trip you’ve planned several weeks for. What’s the sense in that? :P
Posted by: RaZor on July 20, 2004 at 08:07 PM“Missing someone to the point of misery is one of the best feelings in the world!”
And David, I did say absence makes the heart grow fonder in my original post. The point being I am on the same page as you guys!! I don’t think there is anything wrong with this Martha person at all, so if you I do, then you are seriously wrong. We know they will be happy to see each other again in a month’s time, & it’s cool to see Tudor have something really enjoyable in his life.
Let’s just put this one to rest once & for all:
I do NOT think there is anything wrong with Tudor missing Martha. I think it is wrong of him to let his emotions overcome him in a way where he is going to be miserable for this entire trip. Tudor needs to enjoy every single moment of his bike ride. It will give him lots of stories to share, & only numerous reasons to stop by in Markham afterwards to share a love of his with another love —- biking & well, you know … ;)
Tudor, I hope you’re enjoying your trip, guy! Take some cool pictures. Make a wicked porno in Tobermory. And keep it real! Looking forward to hearing more of your adventure in the upcoming weeks. :)
Posted by: RaZor on July 20, 2004 at 08:15 PMRaZor dearest, people are always more important than places.
Posted by: Tudor on July 30, 2004 at 11:10 AMTudor,
From the progress of your blog, it appears that your trip is going well!! That is all that matters. And yes, people do matter. I’m glad that you seem to have gotten over your home sickness (& that the weather is actually working your favour these past couple of weeks). Have fun during these last few days!! :)
Posted by: RaZor on August 05, 2004 at 01:36 AM