August 31, 2004

I opened my Laurier email account to find some 300 unread messages, most of them from Nigerian men with lots of money. They desperately need my help, but I can’t tell you the details because they made me promise to keep our correspondence secret.

Instead, let me tell you what the Students’ Union has been up to while I’ve been gone on my crazyass trip around the province. They’ve been busy.

Lyndsey, the chair of the board, has been researching electronic voting and new representational models.

Anthony, the VP university affairs, has been protecting student housing within Waterloo, and from the sounds of it he’s been so effective that we now have a surplus of student housing on the market.

Mark, the VP human resources, has drafted a wonderful report on hiring policy. Like most reports, this one too manages to make many intelligent observations while offering only vague resolutions. There have been problems with the hiring policy this year. Yet, the report fails to address any of them and doesn’t even touch on more contentious issues like VP hiring.

Steve, the president of the corporation, has been out buying new vans and office furniture. It’s rumoured that he bought himself a $300 office chair since the old one caused intense ass pain.

And speaking of pain in the ass, WLUSU will have to change its slogan (“providing for the needs of students”) once the BOD approves a proposal to ban underagers from the on-campus nightclub. Though underagers pay the same fees as other students to maintain the existing establishments, it would be much simpler if the Union just took their money and provide them with nothing. It’s quite a cleaver scheme, really.

I think WLUSU should relocate its headquarters to Nigeria. I can put Steve in touch with my contacts down there.