October 15, 2004

To no one’s surprise, as soon as I imbibed some alcohol I fell asleep on a couch cuddling a giant phallus. I didn’t want to go drinking last night, but Bernard brought Nicky along and there was no turning back. You see, Nicky is a lesbian, and it’s always fun drinking with queers.

We started our night at The Vault: what was once a bank is now a trendy lounge serving excellent martinis. The bank vault was preserved and painted red and I was eager to go inside. Our waitress poured three martinis, shaking them carefully.

“Can we drink these inside the vault?” I asked. She shook her head.

“Umm … no. You can go and maybe have a look inside, but that’s our VIP area.”

I was taken aback by the sheer stupidity of her response. The place was goddamn deserted (the staff outnumbered the patrons) and access to the vault was the only thing that made the bar interesting. We didn’t come there for their shitty music or their expensive booze. Deeply unsatisfied, we sat at a wobbly table with our martinis.

The Vault’s pretentiousness left a bad taste in our mouths. Martinis done, we headed over to the Huether and got drunk on their beer. I started scribbling notes on a piece of paper, notes that made absolutely no sense when I looked at them again:

Food is filling and bread like.
Laurier kids … sexy.
Yeah, I like tits in my face too

Talking to a lesbian brings out the best in me. By the time our beer was done I confessed to Nicky that I have a poor tolerance for alcohol and a fixation with cocks. Beer left me feeling weak.

We went back to Nicky’s residence: she lives with 300 other women and I promised to masturbate on her door. Now that her roommate moved out, she has an entire room to herself. A foot-long phallus emerged from beneath a pile of clothes and we started making animal noises while rubbing it. It was pink, furry, and wonderful to touch.

Her floor-mates shuffled uncomfortably down the hall, and we laughed while petting the furry phallus. The laughter made me sleepy — we went to the lounge flapping Nicky’s cock through the girl’s residence. Nobody seemed to mind, so I cuddled up with it on one of the sofas and slept until Bernard whispered in my ear that it was time to go.

Nicky walked us to the door. We said goodnight, but I didn’t want to leave. She promised to let me play with her furry cock again.