June 04, 2005

Laura and I were making out in front of the public library at noon, my shirt inexplicably smeared with semen, when we saw Bob Rae walk on the sidewalk in front of us. Laurier’s chancellor and ex-premier looked tired and his glazed eyes were fixed on the ground.

“He’s probably dressed as a zombie for the convocation ceremony,” I said. Neither Laura nor I are graduating yet (as we were supposed to) — something to do with miscounted credits and last minute attempts to make amends. Laurier won’t give us degrees despite our good looks. Out of desperation, for a moment we considered kidnapping Bob Rae in exchange for degrees.

“You can’t have your chancellor back, Laurier, until you hand over those pieces of paper.”

But Bob Rae shuffled down the sidewalk before Laura and I could untangle our limbs and catch up with him. Damn. The graduation will have to be postponed until October.