November 05, 2005

The cardinal rule of tech support is to keep each call under 15 minutes. If you take any longer to resolve an issue, supervisors get angry and start demanding you get off the phone. It’s all about statistics — the more people you service, the happier everyone is.

I knew the rule before I took my first call on Thursday. But after 15 minutes I was still talking in my sweetest voice to a girl from New Jerey about modem lights. Half an hour later I was still on the same call when the supervisor showed up to fidget besides me. After 45 minutes lights started blinking telling me to get off the phone. I didn’t — I still hadn’t resolved the issue.

The minutes ticked by one after the other. Every five minutes somebody showed up to see if everything was all right. I just ignored them and continued to talk furiously, saliva spilling everywhere. The voice at the other end seemed interested in what I had to say. And the only reason the call ended after 70 minutes was because my customer hanged up, her computer still broken.

I think I broke all efficiency records.