Oh, Baby!
November 21, 2005
We were in the kitchen, eating chicken, and one of us said something about babies. I told her how much they stink and scream. “I only want children so I can play with them for an hour each day and then have somebody else worry about them during the night,” I said. “You’re such a man,” she said, growing slightly sad like she does whenever I say something mean about babies.
“Babies are smelly monkeys.”
“I worry when I hear you talk like that.”
“Listen,” I said. “It’s not like I hate babies. In fact I’m pretty good around children. I throw them around and they like it.”
“It would be hard for me to be with someone who doesn’t like kids,” she said. “My ex talked about kids all the time.”
“I talk about babies all the time too! About how yummy they taste boiled.” And then I went into the kitchen to make myself a baby sandwich.
Posted by Tudor at 11:47 PM in Various Positions | TrackBackAfter Sherry spent a few days observing the workings of a Grade 10 English class and trying to make them pay attention to poetry instead of their mp3 players she announced that there would be “no children! Only dogs.”
To her family.
While I was there.
Eating Thanksgiving dinner.
They kind of glared at me. I said, “dogs are neat. And this stuffing is delicious.”
Posted by: regan on November 22, 2005 at 01:43 AMmy mom has already bought my children presents. Multiple presents. Mostly tea sets.
Posted by: CaptainPoultry on November 22, 2005 at 07:03 AMmy mom has accepted the fact that my hips will be bearing no grandchildren.
Regan, did the stuffing bit work?
Posted by: sra on November 22, 2005 at 08:54 AMTea sets are a good thing, too(: Just watch out, ‘cause they end up everywhere… and porcelain is just *NOT* a good idea for small children.
Posted by: spindriftdancer on November 23, 2005 at 10:53 PMOh, btw, that video is absolutely hillarious… Sort of reminds me of the truly odd stuff my daughter does some days (do you know that snow happens because snow cats get pepper on their fur and then fly up into the sky). Isn’t it nice to know you have such a good working relationship with your inner 3-year-old?;P
Posted by: spindriftdancer on November 23, 2005 at 11:00 PMI had a tea set growing up…an antique one nonetheless…and the only thing that ever got broken was broke by my mom
Posted by: CaptainPoultry on November 24, 2005 at 10:51 PM