November 2005 Archives
Hair A-Blowing
A fierce woman with tattoos on her boobs (or “Tats on her tattas,” as Alysia calls them) attacked my hair today. With sharp things. She was forceful — yanking handsful of hair left and right. I felt so defenseless,…Continue reading "Hair A-Blowing"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 30, 2005 in Various Positions
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Machines That Bite
And now let’s talk of happy things, like monkeys, malls, and kings. Last night we went, my love and I, to the mall on the edge of town to acquire things (scarves), eat pseudo-Chinese food (yum), and watch movies…Continue reading "Machines That Bite"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 29, 2005 in Ideas & Images
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Mothers
Does your mother call up your lovers to tell them you’re a “fucking loser”? Mine does. It shows that she loves me….Continue reading "Mothers"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 29, 2005 in Various Positions
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Why Work Is Like Kindergarten: Reason #21
It’s not just the fish drawings. It’s also the shiny stars awarded at random. The other day Mr. Derange called. I made him feel “comfortable.” I swear I never showed him my penis….Continue reading "Why Work Is Like Kindergarten: Reason #21"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 27, 2005 in Working Life
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Thicker, More Brutish
The boys at the back of the bus sang “Hey Jude” all the way to the mall, where we went (unexpectedly) to buy snow boots, water bottles, and bicycles. Since winter came, each morning is a near death experience: I…Continue reading "Thicker, More Brutish"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 26, 2005 in Various Positions
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Snow Day
My roomies welcomed me back with hugs, tenderness when I walked into the house with my fingers frozen and my face red. I told them that their city is fucked — the municipal government refuses to salt any of…Continue reading "Snow Day"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 24, 2005 in Various Positions
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Drinky-Drinky
Sometimes you need people you can drink with. And last night, after angry calls from my mother, I definitely needed a drink or ten. I felt incredibly tender towards all other immigrant children. As it happened, the wonderful Alysia came…Continue reading "Drinky-Drinky"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 23, 2005 in Various Positions
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“Alive!” She Cried!
We are breeding strange new monsters in our kitchen. For three days now George the grill has been covered in layers of animal fat, layers that are now fusing with the machine and emerging as something deadly, a new…Continue reading ""Alive!" She Cried!"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 22, 2005 in Various Positions
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Oh, Baby!
We were in the kitchen, eating chicken, and one of us said something about babies. I told her how much they stink and scream. “I only want children so I can play with them for an hour each day and…Continue reading "Oh, Baby!"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 21, 2005 in Various Positions
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Us and Them
Some calls are funny. “My computer freezes up each time I google for diabetes sites,” she said. “Umm … right,” I said. “Diabetes sites.” Other calls are just nasty. I spent several hours today explaining to a Panamanian that his…Continue reading "Us and Them"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 20, 2005 in Various Positions
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Tired Days Long Ago
We should all write love letters to the amorphous masses of teenagers waiting in line to see the Harry Potter premiere. Holy shit, there are a lot of them. Last night Laura and I drifted to the cinema on the…Continue reading "Tired Days Long Ago"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 19, 2005 in Various Positions
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Mornings
On most mornings I feel slow-witted and clumsy like a space amoeba on the edge of some impossible breakthrough. Sleepless. We stay up late into the night, drinking coffee and we plot my future. According to Alysia, it involves hand-carved…Continue reading "Mornings"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 17, 2005 in Various Positions
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Spreading
I’ll tell you a funny story about penis: Many months ago I decided it would be fun to scan my cock and then post the results on the Internet. All of my friends can still remember what they were…Continue reading "Spreading"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 16, 2005 in Ideas & Images
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Pumpkin Bliss
I told you a while back that I’m moving to London for the pumpkin seeds. What I didn’t tell you is that the grocery store across the road gives “Tudor discounts” on pumpkin bread. It’s like they read my…Continue reading "Pumpkin Bliss"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 16, 2005 in Various Positions
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Scenes From The City: Cops and Cabs
They tried to maim me like this: Night. Rain. At midnight London’s streets are wrapped in long slivers of wet light, pieces of fabric stolen from dreams. The bars are open and ten thousand boys and girls descend upon…Continue reading "Scenes From The City: Cops and Cabs"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 15, 2005 in Here & There
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Objective Correlative
In literature there’s something called the objective correlative — a useful device that helps you avoid talking about messy things like emotions. Thus, instead of talking about melancholy, you could talk about sad things like raindrops falling on window…Continue reading "Objective Correlative"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 13, 2005 in Various Positions
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Freaky Time
Kitchen implements look freaky … on my face. Just like everything else….Continue reading "Freaky Time"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 12, 2005 in Ideas & Images
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Scenes From The City (Part II)
You know the city you live in is bizarro when the story of Mr. Ristic dominates London’s front pages for days. In 2002 Mr. Ristic put on this tinfoil shit and duct-tape jacket and then proceeded to hit his neighbour…Continue reading "Scenes From The City (Part II)"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 11, 2005 in Here & There
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Scenes From The City
In grey cubicles, young men talk softly into phones. Problems. Everyone has them. And I go home late at night and sleep late into the day, drained of energy and words. Sleep. I sleep on couches and divans, naked and…Continue reading "Scenes From The City"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 10, 2005 in Here & There
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Problems All Melt Away
Interesting tidbit about my work: I get paid to listen to people’s problems. And I have to take ownership of their problems. “Let’s see what we can do about that, Mr. Smith.” This is as profound as it is disturbing….Continue reading "Problems All Melt Away"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 08, 2005 in Various Positions
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What Forests Do When We’re Not Watching
When I went to get naked at Laurier on Thursday, I rented a tiny, red car and sped down country roads. The day felt like the end of summer and I rolled down my windows to blast prog rock…Continue reading "What Forests Do When We're Not Watching"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 06, 2005 in Various Positions
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All Lies
Though the Transfers Restaurant serves luke-warm coffee from large vats in Kitchener’s second-rate bus terminal, they still make the dubious claim they have “the best coffee in town.” I drank their coffee — it’s not that great….Continue reading "All Lies"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 05, 2005 in Various Positions
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We’re Available Anytime
The cardinal rule of tech support is to keep each call under 15 minutes. If you take any longer to resolve an issue, supervisors get angry and start demanding you get off the phone. It’s all about statistics — the…Continue reading "We're Available Anytime"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 05, 2005 in Various Positions
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Touch me with Your Naked Hand
Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin Dance me through the panic till I’m gathered safely in Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove Dance me to the end of love Dance me…Continue reading "Touch me with Your Naked Hand"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 03, 2005 in Various Positions
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Pictures. Canzine.
Pictures from far away trips are always kinda neat. Corwin has a bunch too — go look….Continue reading "Pictures. Canzine."
Posted by Tudor on Nov 03, 2005 in Ideas & Images
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The Things You Say Scare Me
Here are eleven sentences about you taken out of context, again: I was a Mexican.I arrived only 15 minutes late but lost any time I had gained and then some when Dave decided to take a shower in Carly’s sink…Continue reading "The Things You Say Scare Me"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 02, 2005 in Sentences About You
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Bus Time
In the last five days I’ve travelled hundreds of kilometers on Greyhounds, alone with my dreams and hard-ons. I rush between Waterloo and London with frightening regularity. And I’ll tell you this: greyhounds are mentally and sexually exhausting — it’s…Continue reading "Bus Time"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 01, 2005 in Various Positions
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