January 2006 Archives
The Elephant, He Told Me So
I wasn’t going to do it this year, but somehow I ended up inheriting my Visionary Indian Friend’s DSLR after he acquired some bitching ocular implants. And let me tell you, this rebel is a splendid, monstrous machine that…Continue reading "The Elephant, He Told Me So"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 31, 2006 in Technology
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Jerkface
If you’re going to act all wierd and shit, you might as well do it in a city where nobody knows your name, preferably a crappy place like Cambridge where the children are full of rage. Mmm, Cambridge. That’s…Continue reading "Jerkface"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 30, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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The Kiss of a Butterfly
One of the butterflies gently settled on my hand, unfurled its proboscis, and licked me. I didn’t put up much of a fight, so it proceeded to lick me several more times before finally flying away. “You’re as docile…Continue reading "The Kiss of a Butterfly"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 29, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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How To Cuddle
After the sweat and the orgasms, when your naked body tingles all over and you purr in her arms like a shameless cat, turn your head slightly and look into her eyes with a crazy smile on your face. “What…Continue reading "How To Cuddle"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 27, 2006 in How To
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Something About You Spells Crazy
I had creamed corn for supper tonight and it reminded me of you. Other times I have mundane dreams about Greg Smith telling me that his cat poops three times a day. It’s one of my obsessions with old men….Continue reading "Something About You Spells Crazy"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 26, 2006 in Sentences About You
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I Fart In Your General Drection
I work in a basement full of IT guys. Consequently, I learn new things every day, like the fact that system administrators fart voraciously. On each other. It all started yesterday. One of the guys in the office has a…Continue reading "I Fart In Your General Drection"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 25, 2006 in Working Life
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Fruits of My Womb
Each morning I awake at ungodly hours to perform the following three exciting tasks: put on pants, boil eggs, and work on technical documentation. The job started on Monday, and since then they’ve kept me content by addicting me to…Continue reading "Fruits of My Womb"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 24, 2006 in Working Life
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Cock. Mayonnaise.
London. That’s where the all the women are hiding. Like well-groomed barbarians, Regan and I invaded the city Friday afternoon to find Laura hiding from essays in her room and Sherry hiding in a purple bathrobe. Consequently, the weekend consisted…Continue reading "Cock. Mayonnaise."
Posted by Tudor on Jan 22, 2006 in Here & There
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We Need More Poetry Against Our Skin
Everything is so rushed, so crazed. Now one city, now another. Whatever happened to those days when we did nothing but lie naked on my bed listening to poetry? Update: Ahem. I guess this was most of yesterday….Continue reading "We Need More Poetry Against Our Skin"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 20, 2006 in Various Positions
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Dave Propaganda
Dave is running for Students’ Union president because he has all the right qualities, like tact. “Yeah. You can go ahead and make me a website if you want,” he told me in an email yesterday. “My main colours…Continue reading "Dave Propaganda"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 19, 2006 in Technology
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Poke, Poke
Sultry flying monkeys! I spent most of the night next to Emily matching nouns to adjectives. She kept distracting me by persistently poking her breasts with the sharp edges of the table; I’ve never seen anybody else do that. She…Continue reading "Poke, Poke"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 19, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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I’m A Writer, Baby
Almost a month after my startling interview in Guelph, I got an early-morning call informing me that I’m now a writer. And not just any kind of writer. A technical writer. My manuals shall be works of wonder and delight!…Continue reading "I'm A Writer, Baby"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 18, 2006 in Working Life
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Bang On, Crazed Karaoke Dancers
The night before we became insects, we danced enthusiastically to drunken karaoke songs. And by dancing I mean that we violently swung our heads to troubling renditions of Shania Twain songs. As soon as anyone grabbed the mike, we…Continue reading "Bang On, Crazed Karaoke Dancers"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 17, 2006 in Various Positions
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Insecticide
We were simply thawing our frozen appendages by pouring scalding liquids over them when we were suddenly transformed into monstrous insects. “I didn’t think tea could do this to a man,” I expressed by rapidly gyrating my wings. “Maybe…Continue reading "Insecticide"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 16, 2006 in Here & There
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I Didn’t Know You’ll Blow My Mind This Way
So I went away for a couple of days and told you to write nasty things on my blog while I’m gone. But when I came back this evening I found that you gave me not just…Continue reading "I Didn't Know You'll Blow My Mind This Way"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 16, 2006 in Various Positions
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how to write bad poetry
Now we can’t all go swiftly mad and buy a box of miscellaneous electronic parts at Radio Shack sweat and bleed and laugh maniacally in our basements and build our own machines that write bad poetry. It sounds fun but…Continue reading "how to write bad poetry"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 15, 2006 in How To
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the visitor
Continue reading "the visitor"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 15, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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pass it on
Carly isn’t sad anymore, so I claim the torch of sadness as my own. And I can tell you things now, because you don’t know who I am — even though you probably do….Continue reading "pass it on"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 15, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Smoking can kill you
I’ve always wondered if half of the psychological addiction of smoking is that it is a subsumed urge to commit suicide? You know that it’s killing you, but it’s a way of putting off doing it ‘for real’ so that…Continue reading "Smoking can kill you"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in Politics
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Exposure.
Do you know how much I love your boobs? Almost as much as I love how you hate that I call breasts boobs and say that you’re tired of dating a twelve year old boy but god, your boobs bring…Continue reading "Exposure."
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in
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Naked is as naked does
Well then … I might as well join in the fun….Continue reading "Naked is as naked does"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in
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Say one you’re numb, say two you’re naked
Somebody had to do it. I’m just sorry it wasn’t someone who can take pictures in focus. And who has more guts than me. Damn, Tudor, this is fun….Continue reading "Say one you're numb, say two you're naked"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in Various Positions
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Token Nudity (Almost)
“What could I post on Tudor’s blog that would make him proud?” I wondered. And then it came to me: Nudity. But, like with many great ideas, there was a major set back in my way. I do not have…Continue reading "Token Nudity (Almost)"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in
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Censored, for your pleasure
At one time or another, many people have stopped reading Tudor’s blog because of high wang content. Tudor has a lovely blog, and it’s a shame to stop reading simply because you fear seeing his wang on a plate, or…Continue reading "Censored, for your pleasure"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in
| 3 comments
The show must go on
ITs all good . It is winter and not much sun too much mud and the spirts are low. I went for a ride by my self the other night and got to section of the trail and was so…Continue reading "The show must go on"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 14, 2006 in Bike Rides
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For Rizzity
I just wanted there to be a post on here that didn’t contain naked nakedness. This is truly fabulous. It’ll average things out a little bit. A LITTLE. I just wanted to let the world know that Alysia and I…Continue reading "For Rizzity"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 13, 2006 in
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remember me
We have precious little time, you and I. By you I mean you, not you. You know too much. You have seen things. Things that mustn’t get out. Mustn’t be revealed. You should know, however, that there are forces…Continue reading "remember me"
Posted by Not_Tudor on Jan 13, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Here’s A Piece of My Darkness
Every single cognitive function on the left side of my brain has gone on strike demanding booze and screaming profanities. Consequently, I’ve been feeling disgustingly lethargic lately. And uninspired. Too much rain. Too much sleep. Too much porn. Not…Continue reading "Here's A Piece of My Darkness"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 13, 2006 in Various Positions
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Printing …
For the last month I’ve been slowly working on a tiny book. I say slowly because I’ve been feeling very lazy lately. And I say tiny because it has only 20 pages. But each page is packed with photos…Continue reading "Printing ..."
Posted by Tudor on Jan 12, 2006 in Writing & the Media
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The Nose That Nose
Once I stop being a conduit for Regan’s voice, I’ll embark on a long and successful career as a nose and hand model. I feel that my features are perfectly suited for awareness campaigns promoting the benefits of nose picking….Continue reading "The Nose That Nose"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 12, 2006 in Various Positions
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Fuck You, Regan Walsh
As you wish Regan, as you wish … I drank a bottle of wine and spent six hours naked in front of my bathroom mirror armed with a camera, clothespins and my vast collection of snap-on bracelets. The feeling of…Continue reading "Fuck You, Regan Walsh"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 12, 2006 in Various Positions
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Throw Your Cameras Into The Air
I told her how I spend my mornings spinning my camera in the air above my bed. “Is that why you moved back to Waterloo, to spend the whole day in your underwear taking pictures?” “‘But this is important stuff!…Continue reading "Throw Your Cameras Into The Air"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 10, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Things You Should Know About 9AM
In the mornings, my bed sheets are a vicious, intoxicating blur of colours, dreams and semen, a blur that makes it impossible for me to ever get up before noon….Continue reading "Things You Should Know About 9AM"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 09, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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I’ll Show You What Robots Think About Me
Go to google.com Type in my name Click “I’m feeling lucky.”…Continue reading "I'll Show You What Robots Think About Me"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 08, 2006 in Various Positions
| 11 comments
Experimental
Because it’s cold outside and I’m still unemployed, I’ve been spending the last few days alone in my room seeking a profound, cellular understanding of other life forms. Edwin the cactus seems to mildly approve while the tangerines are…Continue reading "Experimental"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 08, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Lemon Splash
Because it was a snowy day, my Visionary Indian friend and I got together and did what boys usually do on days with too much precipitations: we stripped down to our underwear and dropped lemons in tall glasses of…Continue reading "Lemon Splash"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 07, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Karl
By their very nature, photoroams are unpredictable. Thus, the roam that was supposed to take place Friday night actually took place Thursday at a different time in a slightly different place. Similarly, none of us predicted it would get…Continue reading "Karl"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 06, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Year In Review (Part II)
The second part of the year was like one of those journeys where after months of travel you end up in the same place, changed utterly. (read the first part). On the first of July, Canada became as old as…Continue reading "Year In Review (Part II)"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 05, 2006 in Various Positions
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I’ll Bite Your Ears While You Steer Off The Road
Whenever Laura speeds down country roads on rainy afternoons, I have this insatiable urge to nuzzle her ear and cover her eyes with my left hand just to see how long she’ll be able to stay on the road….Continue reading "I'll Bite Your Ears While You Steer Off The Road"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 04, 2006 in Various Positions
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Photoroam
The new year demands more collective picture taking. Now that Jason Shim is chasing penguins in Antarctica, we’re left to our own devices. Another photoroam anyone? Free up your Friday evening and we’ll go out after sundown to start fires….Continue reading "Photoroam"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 03, 2006 in Various Positions
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Year In Review (Part I)
If I were to sum up the previous year in one sentence then I would probably say that in 2005 I took off my pants with alarming regularity — and it was good. If I were to use actual paragraphs,…Continue reading "Year In Review (Part I)"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 02, 2006 in Various Positions
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Call The Cops, Someone is Being Sedated
Yesterday’s New Year’s party was probably the most sedated one I’ve ever been to — Laura and I sat around with a bunch of university professors listening to Pink Floyd and eating cookies. That, however, didn’t dissuade the cops…Continue reading "Call The Cops, Someone is Being Sedated"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 01, 2006 in Various Positions
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