February 2006 Archives
Kiss Me Purple
Sometimes when I wear pink and you put on your green bandana, I can’t help but grab your hippie self in my arms and try to lick your eyeballs….Continue reading "Kiss Me Purple"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 28, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Lets Disturb Your Sitting Arrangements
Some emails come by unexpectedly on Monday mornings. “Pack your bags,” this Monday’s email said right in the subject line. “Oh shit,” I muttered, quietly blowing my nose on my sleeve, “I thought they liked me.” “That’s not it,” the…Continue reading "Lets Disturb Your Sitting Arrangements"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 28, 2006 in Working Life
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Eating Many Animals At Once
Mornings in London are uniformly exciting. Not only did I get to sprawl naked with Laura on carpeted floors, but we also got to engage in some “committee style cooking.” Greg took over the stove to make fries. Amy…Continue reading "Eating Many Animals At Once"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 27, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Colonial Projections
We wandered through London’s Indian museum, vaguely disappointed by the lack of saggy tits. All the natives in the photos had firm, tanned, fuckable bodies. Some of them wore leather. I expected more gaping wounds, tired flesh, and uncontained…Continue reading "Colonial Projections"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 26, 2006 in Various Positions
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Gone
I’m going away for a few days. London. My Laura and I are celebrating last year’s escape to the wilderness. It’s been a year since we took off for Tobermory together and felt our hearts spasm, so this weekend…Continue reading "Gone"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 24, 2006 in Various Positions
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We Give Words New Meanings
On Wednesday nights, the Huether is the place we go to mess around with words and each other’s hearts. You should too. For practice, try using the following words we defined for you in a sentence: Dipsomania: obsessive feelings towards…Continue reading "We Give Words New Meanings"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 24, 2006 in Various Positions
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The Things You Whisper Slay Me
I was born of a sinkhole that was impregnated by a stroke of lightning, raised by Mother Nature and spanked daily. I’ve always been wary of “boobies.” I would welcome some psychoanalysis on this matter. I blame my mother, who…Continue reading "The Things You Whisper Slay Me"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 23, 2006 in Sentences About You
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We’ve All Been Wondering About Her
“Who is that woman on your desktop?” asked my cubicle buddy, mildly intrigued by her crazed look. “She’s my woman,” I said, eyes suddenly awake with longing. “She’s the woman I wake up every morning missing, and the woman…Continue reading "We've All Been Wondering About Her"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 22, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Some Sort of Emo
Walnuts have the faint aroma of crushed dreams. I had a dream. You had a dream. Even America had a dream. But in the hour of cruelty all dreams were all crushed and we were left with nothing but…Continue reading "Some Sort of Emo"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 21, 2006 in Various Positions
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Some Sort Of Conditioning
Last night they asked me about work. I assured them that technical writing is tender and full of poetry. “In the last month I wrote nearly 1,000 words,” I said. “That works out to about six words per hour.” “Jesus!…Continue reading "Some Sort Of Conditioning"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 20, 2006 in Working Life
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Brief Entry About Gutters
Last time bowling was this much fun was last March. Back then I was getting laid and my scores were astronomical; but last night, with my lover away in a different city, all of my balls ended up in…Continue reading "Brief Entry About Gutters"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 19, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Camera Person
Sometime during the next two weeks we are going to shoot a movie. Decisions of this magnitude are best reached over a couple of beers. “It will be Emo and have no sound, just sorrow,” Corwin said. “It will be…Continue reading "Camera Person"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 19, 2006 in Various Positions
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Death and my Cock are the World
Whenever my love phones me from the depths of her loneliness, all I do is talk about cock. I’m an asshole like that. “I don’t know about cock anymore,” I say in a quivery voice. “I’m not sure if…Continue reading "Death and my Cock are the World"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 19, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Such A Long Way Away
Why do you all flee to such wonderful places? And what shall I do with my hands, now that you’re gone?…Continue reading "Such A Long Way Away"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 18, 2006 in Various Positions
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Last Night I Found Ways To Scrub Souls
Bathtubs are places of wonder, and not just because they can so easily accommodate the broken shards of other people’s lives. Rather, they do something to us, they please our organic tissues in ways that soap and water alone…Continue reading "Last Night I Found Ways To Scrub Souls"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 17, 2006 in Here & There
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All We Have Left Are The Cellophane Flowers
The rainclouds came over the fields in quick, violent bursts. Thunder. Lightening. In the background, CBC radio bemoaned climate change and the extinction of hockey. “Ice is no more,” they said, even though on days like this every inch…Continue reading "All We Have Left Are The Cellophane Flowers"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 16, 2006 in Various Positions
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Daily Activity Flowchart
Each of my days goes something like this: 6:30 am. Fall out of bed groggy and stumble around with shaky hands to make coffee. Shake things a lot. Wash teeth. 7:15 am. Put on a smile. Go write some manuals….Continue reading "Daily Activity Flowchart"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 15, 2006 in Working Life
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My Name Is Mushy
The only way to top last year’s Anti-Valentine’s Day festivities (cock on a cake), would be to travel all the way to Kashmir for some extravagant card-burning. However, since Kashmir is rather far (and desperately embroiled in religious conflicts), we’ll…Continue reading "My Name Is Mushy"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 14, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Promenades and Avenues
I used to bike everywhere before the van came into my life. Bikes are wonderful in their simplicity — you can just get on them and glide down endless avenues. Not so with cars — they demand chemical love and…Continue reading "Promenades and Avenues"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 14, 2006 in Various Positions
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Those Vertical Things We Sleep On
It’s strange how much time you can spend in bed with someone you like. We got up before 10 on a bright Saturday, and three hours later we were still under the covers. Doing nothing. Just giggling. And now and…Continue reading "Those Vertical Things We Sleep On"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 13, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Scooter + Mullet == Awesome
At London’s convention centre, one of the bikers drank one beer too many and started shouting profanities at a robust man who was quickly moving down the corridor. Anger. Leather. Invitations to fight. Because the motorcycle convention was horribly…Continue reading "Scooter + Mullet == Awesome"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 12, 2006 in Various Positions
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Our Daily Bread
In her pink apartment, Nadine cooked us a wonderful dinner. The shrimp stirfry was particulary delicious, and we thanked her afterwards by attempting to kill her in a motor-vehicle collision….Continue reading "Our Daily Bread"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 11, 2006 in Various Positions
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Two Interrelated Facts
1) My new nickname at work is Vicky. 2) I have a fierce pimple on my ass….Continue reading "Two Interrelated Facts"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 10, 2006 in Working Life
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Something Like Absence
We never talk about important things like anguish and aloneness anymore. For instance, I never told you how the other day I was eating dried fruits in my cube when Cohen came on the radio. He sounded much older than…Continue reading "Something Like Absence"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 09, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Some Kind of Meme
You’ll get what you asked for, Jason Shim, but it won’t be pretty: Four jobs I’ve hadNaked interpreter of Canadian poetry Drawer of fish Corrector of syntax Writer of awesome manuals…Continue reading "Some Kind of Meme"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 08, 2006 in Various Positions
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Step Into The River
I sneaked up behind her on the bus platform and grabbed her in my arms. She jumped slightly, but before she could open her lips to scream in surprise I kissed her. She didn’t seem to mind. For a…Continue reading "Step Into The River"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 07, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Is the Grisly Reaper Mowing?
The drive home from London was tough, and not just because my legs trembled with the muscular memory of too many orgasms. The weather was hell. A million snow squalls danced throughout the land, ripping away asphalt and replacing…Continue reading "Is the Grisly Reaper Mowing?"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 06, 2006 in Here & There
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Dance me to the End of Love
It’s been a year since that night when Laura and I first held hands in the dark as Regan told us about robots. A lot of surprising things happen in a year: sad things, happy things, things that filled our…Continue reading "Dance me to the End of Love"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 04, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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The Things We Do
I know you’ll find this shocking, but after spending my days in Guelph’s industrial districts, I come home in the evenings to juggle my balls….Continue reading "The Things We Do"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 03, 2006 in Various Positions
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You Should Make This Man King!
I stopped by Laurier to taste the aftermath of the 2006 election erection. It tasted like too many rules and cock (“You can’t wear that shirt on your head — that’s campaigning”). All the PIRGies were huddled together in…Continue reading "You Should Make This Man King!"
Let’s Run
I find it hard to resist giving money to homeless men. Especially when they chase after me in parking lots on rusty bicycles….Continue reading "Let's Run"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 01, 2006 in Various Positions
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