March 2006 Archives
Make Music With Me
Today’s podcast is a musical journey full of nostalgia and terror. Have a listen. Special thanks go out to Trevor and Corwin, who consistenly produce staggering sounds….Continue reading "Make Music With Me"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 31, 2006 in Technology
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Hair
Work can be a hair-pulling experience. Luckily, that isn’t my hair….Continue reading "Hair"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 31, 2006 in Working Life
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Broken Cast
A couple of days ago I got a recording machine in my mailbox. Laura was really excited about it, until I told her what I was going to do with it. “I’m going to record everything,” I said. And she…Continue reading "Broken Cast"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 30, 2006 in Technology
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Give It To Me All At Once
Do you want to see all of my 1188 flickr photos at once? Of course you do! Click this link and both your head and your computer will ‘asplode!…Continue reading "Give It To Me All At Once"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 30, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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We Give Words New Meanings (Part II)
We fucked with language again. God, we fucked with it fiercely as though grammar was nothing more than a candy vagina we could slobber all over, or a terrifyingly satisfying hole in the wall. And as a result of our…Continue reading "We Give Words New Meanings (Part II)"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 29, 2006 in Various Positions
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Camera To a Good Home
I just posted my Fuji FinePix (that tiny monster of a camera) for sale on eBay. It’s not easy letting go of it — that camera and I shared many intimate moments and struck countless seductive poses together. And now…Continue reading "Camera To a Good Home"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 29, 2006 in Technology
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If You Want Another Kind of Love I’ll Wear a Mask for You
I spend my lunch hours walking around a courtyard in my fancy shoes, despairing about what we’ve become. You see, once upon the time I used to be a lot more daring, more shameless, more bent on destroying the…Continue reading "If You Want Another Kind of Love I'll Wear a Mask for You"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 28, 2006 in Various Positions
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You Were Always A Twisted Little Man
In the fast-food joint at noontime, I showed my prowess by biting into forks. I have this fierce set of teeth that can slice through plastic, and this so awed the elderly couple across from us that they couldn’t…Continue reading "You Were Always A Twisted Little Man"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 27, 2006 in Various Positions
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Tuds Does Western
I followed Laura to school almost compulsively this weekend. Each day she sat down in the grad lounge to work on presentations, and as soon as she did so I groped her, ripped off my clothes with abandon, and then…Continue reading "Tuds Does Western"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 26, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Paul Show
A man named Paul emailed me the other day demanding copies of my book and coffee. So we met at the Huether in the evening and talked about things we have in common like Tanya’s excellent bosom, urination, and strippers…Continue reading "Paul Show"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 25, 2006 in Various Positions
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Terrify the Man Ray
I met Ray by the fountain in Yorkdale mall; the water gurgled uneasily and I had to pee. The need to pee was not the result of too many coffees (I had six that morning); rather, it was brought on…Continue reading "Terrify the Man Ray"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 23, 2006 in Various Positions
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Jubilatory Masturbatory
Wearing a dead man’s jacket, I rode the cusp of seven traffic jams to reach Toronto. My reward was to see Trevor strut towards me from the darkness of an alleyway; I jumped on him like a mad thing….Continue reading "Jubilatory Masturbatory"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 22, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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These Directions Are For Planning Purposes Only
Head northwest from Forest Hill Dr. - go 3 m. In three hours I’ll be in Toronto, filling my belly with living things, sunshine, and pieces of concrete. In anticipation, I got: New black, polished shoes A haircut with bangs…Continue reading "These Directions Are For Planning Purposes Only"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 21, 2006 in Various Positions
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Equinox
To celebrate spring, I biked around the parking lot in circles during my lunch break. I wanted the asphalt to breed life, but all I got was a slight chill and dirty looks….Continue reading "Equinox"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 20, 2006 in Various Positions
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Monkeys From Space And Other Love Songs
The London night throbbed with booze and music. The band on stage pounded our ears with overwhelming renditions of Elvis songs, causing us to happily twitch in our chairs like mad creatures. On stage, a darker version of Dick…Continue reading "Monkeys From Space And Other Love Songs"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 19, 2006 in Various Positions
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Torture Is What We Do When We’re Lonely
“You have great hands,” she said. “Yeah. Great for masturbating,” I said. “Look how hairy my palms are!” And we rolled on the bed naked, my great pair of hands roaming all over her body, while the CBC in…Continue reading "Torture Is What We Do When We're Lonely"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 18, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Let’s Summarize The Mystery Murder
The story started like this: It was the night of the Anti-Box Social, an annual dinner event for Laurier students and their friends to mock and ridicule the needy and the poor. “Jesus fuck, another self-involved narrative?” the real Sherry…Continue reading "Let's Summarize The Mystery Murder"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 16, 2006 in Various Positions
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Pull Those Undies On Your Head Now
Jason Shim came to the murder mystery party wearing a pair of underwear on his head. “I’m pretending to be you tonight,” he said with obvious satisfaction. “Are they clean at least?” I asked, leaning over politely to sniff…Continue reading "Pull Those Undies On Your Head Now"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 16, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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A Preference for Rust
Kathy’s mom is awesome! Not only did she thoroughly enjoy my book of adventures and naked bottoms, but she also wants me to grab Laura and go for a visit one day. “But I don’t even know her,” I told…Continue reading "A Preference for Rust"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 15, 2006 in Various Positions
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To Greater Socialism
Last night’s socialist propaganda was so seductively effective that now I yearn to give up everything and go till Saskatchewan’s soil. By the sounds of it, the Canadian dream was born somewhere on the prairie winds: universal health care, pension…Continue reading "To Greater Socialism"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 14, 2006 in Various Positions
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Show Me Your Depth of Field
I’ve got a macro lens this weekend that turns even a trip to the bathroom into an exciting adventure of texture and colour! I’d show you, but I feel censored. So instead of displaying my wang, let me show you…Continue reading "Show Me Your Depth of Field"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 13, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Hyperlink My Bike Ride
Saturday morning tasted like spring, vitamin D, and rainbows, which gave us at least three good reasons to polish our death machines and pedal down busy highways without hamlets or fears. One smooth, uninterrupted motion took us all the…Continue reading "Hyperlink My Bike Ride"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 12, 2006 in Bike Rides
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It’s What We Do in Canada
If you thought Flickr was exciting, just wait until I tell you what terminus1525.ca can do! <insert pregnant pause> It allows you to share your art! “But isn’t that exactly what Flickr does?” you ask….Continue reading "It's What We Do in Canada"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 10, 2006 in Technology
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Be Nicer to Your Girlfriend Day
When I first pressed my forehead against hers, I told her she had sad, elephant eyes. She just laughed. Later, I compared her feet to Stompy The Elephant’s and she hit me in the shoulder. “You’re such an asshole,”…Continue reading "Be Nicer to Your Girlfriend Day"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 09, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Cities Made of Ashes
We come up with the best plans for the future when we’re naked and shivering slightly. “Let’s move to another city together,” I whispered, arms wrapped around her back. “First show me what Guelph looks like,” she said, kissing me…Continue reading "Cities Made of Ashes"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 08, 2006 in Here & There
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We Are Fringe
Unlike its previous incarnations, this year’s Fringe Festival lacked half-naked men. Indeed, shows in previous years flaunted such abundance of boy flesh that a special prize was awarded to the “best topless man.” Luckily for us, lesbian werewolf superheroes…Continue reading "We Are Fringe"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 07, 2006 in Various Positions
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It’s All About Me
Sometime last week, a nice girl whom I’ve never met sent me a list of intimate questions. “I’m not going all fangirl on you,” she assured me. “Rather, I’m writing a profile for a journalism unit at school.” When she…Continue reading "It's All About Me"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 06, 2006 in Various Positions
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Nothing But Loony
Today will be filled with Fringy goodness. Plays! Excitement! People I feel sappy about! And last night I found all these blurry photos from time when I was in Fringe two years ago. They made me nostalgic as fuck….Continue reading "Nothing But Loony"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 04, 2006 in Various Positions
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Book of Adventures Ready For Sale
I just published my first book, and you should all buy it. Doing so will make you fantastically happy and get you laid, just like everything else you acquire. But seriously, it’s a good book. It’s called Scenes from…Continue reading "Book of Adventures Ready For Sale"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 03, 2006 in Scenes from a Bike
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Please Drip Down My Shower Curtain Every Day
“I’m going to PI’s public lecture,” I told Laura, my voice squeaky with excitement. “What is it about?” she wanted to know. “I don’t know. I assume it’s probably about something wonderful like pastry.” “Then why are you going?” “Pi…Continue reading "Please Drip Down My Shower Curtain Every Day"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 02, 2006 in Various Positions
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Dance Lightly With Your Hammers Of Time
Let’s smash every last alarm clock into a million ticking shards of technology and go back to huddle in the comfort of our dreams….Continue reading "Dance Lightly With Your Hammers Of Time"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 02, 2006 in Various Positions
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The Book of Saturdays
The morning is an endless caress. Through half-opened eyelids you look like a soft, mysterious creature, a monkey maybe, and I yearn to touch your skin to make sure you’re real. And then our hearts throb, and our fingers and…Continue reading "The Book of Saturdays"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 01, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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