RE: Smashy the dinosaur.

I AM DINOSAUR!

When I was little I used to smash and colour on the faces of all the dolls I didn’t deem pretty or cute enough. Maybe the dinosaur just wasn’t ‘cute’ enough for those kids, those deranged kids like me.

I was particularly savage in cutting the hair and painting the face of one Barbie doll who I had named ‘Vicki’. She was the evil one. Her pseudonym was ‘The Bitch’. Her male counterpart was named ‘Trevor’.

I made a booklet detailing all of the characters in my Barbie productions, with particularly dark mentions of those two characters. I believe I eventually did a lot of damage to Vicki as I grew older. She’s currently suffering from multiple stab wounds in a box somewhere.

I still haven’t quite been able to reconcile my feelings about that whenever I hear the names of those two. Which is odd, because, for example, I find Mr. Trevor Haldenby quite lovely.

Just don’t ever let me name a pet Vicki.

Hi! I have issues!

Laura, you’re weird — I’m never letting you near my dolls again. Smashy, you’re a dinosaur! Awesome.

You didn’t know that children are barbarians? Yes, they most certainly are… especially some of the little boys in the ‘playgroup’ down at the community centre. We’ve stopped going because they’re such rancid little bullies and their moms don’t do anything about it… Some kids are just little destructo-bots waiting to happen.