April 2006 Archives
The Pink Bunny Incident
It took the better part of three days and 37 cardboard boxes filled with aches to move Laura from one side of London to the other. Her new building is tall and the elevators were booked, so we dragged…Continue reading "The Pink Bunny Incident"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 30, 2006 in Various Positions
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Jason Shim in Conversation
I sat down with Jason Shim and Jenny this week and we asked him about life, penguins, and his upcoming bike ride across Canada. His answers were monstrously funny. Among other things, Jason told us why Antarctica sucks, why monkeys…Continue reading "Jason Shim in Conversation"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 27, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Rails
The abandoned rails at the edge of town made me feel instantly better about life, sunshine, and electrical conduction….Continue reading "Rails"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 26, 2006 in Various Positions
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All Tomorrow’s Parties
Jason washed noodles with his bare hands as we giggled about outrageous things like bloody pads left in uncomfortable places. For some reason, this made dinner taste delicious. We laughed for hours with Jenny, and by the end of…Continue reading "All Tomorrow's Parties"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 25, 2006 in Various Positions
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Murmurs of Easter and Forgotten Faith
This weekend was the Orthodox Easter and everything around the dinner table was dripping with symbolism: lamb soup, lamb stakes, lamb intestines wrapped in warm dough. It feels as though I went on a binge, eating nothing but the…Continue reading "Murmurs of Easter and Forgotten Faith"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 24, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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From Here To There At Horrifying Speeds
Whirlwind trip to London … I surprised her as she walked through the front door late at night after she biked in the rain, and she screamed delighted as she leaped into my arms. Questions … Kisses … “What are…Continue reading "From Here To There At Horrifying Speeds"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 23, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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I’ll Tell You About The Morning
Continue reading "I'll Tell You About The Morning"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 22, 2006 in Various Positions
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Is this the story of Johnny Rotten?
Jason and Dan watched with incredulity as I jumped into the murky water beneath the railway bridge as quickly as I could. The ducks were startled and my shoes got wet, but I couldn’t afford to waste any time…Continue reading "Is this the story of Johnny Rotten?"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 20, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Pretend We’re Elsewhere
Carly’s Hawaiian party featured not only men in outrageous shirts drinking hard liquor from flaming fruits, but also an intoxicating mixture of watermelon, beer, asparagus, and sausages dripping with goodness. In the sunset, Carly’s deck felt like summer bliss,…Continue reading "Pretend We're Elsewhere"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 20, 2006 in Various Positions
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The Future Will Consist of Lofts And Rich Pricks
Attila and I crept up the stairs of the old Bauer factory with our cameras shaking slightly in our hands. Trespassing is exhilarating, especially when you get to see industrial settings being ripped apart to accommodate luxury lofts. We…Continue reading "The Future Will Consist of Lofts And Rich Pricks"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 18, 2006 in Here & There
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Your Trash is My Trash
The neighbour’s children are practicing alcoholics. I spent my Sunday picking up the beer bottles, shattered glass, and remnants of lustful parties they have strewn throughout the nearby fields. All the while I muttered about “kids nowadays,” and how,…Continue reading "Your Trash is My Trash"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 17, 2006 in Various Positions
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Your Past Is 25 Cents A Piece
The antique market in Elmira sold fragments of other people’s memories for 25 cents a piece. We smiled as we scavenged through this treasure throve of family mementos, loading our pockets with as many awkward, personal moments as we…Continue reading "Your Past Is 25 Cents A Piece"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 16, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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You Turn My Oranges Inside Out
Jason got a sleek, oiled machine for his bike ride across Canada this summer — I could see it sparkle seductively from the other end of the street when I met him and Kylie, his partner in cross-country adventures,…Continue reading "You Turn My Oranges Inside Out"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 15, 2006 in Bike Rides
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Nahanni
The woman who spent her summer dancing with arctic rivers looked at the packed lecture room and said, “It’s exciting to see so many adventurers here.” Most of the adventurers in question had grey hair and imposing bellies, but they…Continue reading "Nahanni"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 14, 2006 in Various Positions
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Dadaist Food Inspectors In Tomato Sauce
I was taking tedious pictures of raindrops on a Wednesday afternoon when Anna and Mike snuck up behind me, hit me over the head with their good intentions, and dragged me away in search of food. Naturally, our search…Continue reading "Dadaist Food Inspectors In Tomato Sauce"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 13, 2006 in Various Positions
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We All Live in Google Time
Well, look at that — Google now has a calendar. And as with most good things, you can make your life easier by subscribing to other people’s public calendars. For instance, you can stalk me by reading my list of…Continue reading "We All Live in Google Time"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 13, 2006 in Technology
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We Are All Reflective
The bathroom at work is full of patterns but devoid of profanities. I spend hours in there each day thinking about you. One of these days I’m going to scrawl your name on the walls and let everyone know…Continue reading "We Are All Reflective"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 12, 2006 in Various Positions
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Happiness Is A Jolt Between Your Thighs
Duct tape is the best thing ever. On Sunday I used a whole roll of it to strap a video camera to my bike and drift around town. The day was full of sunshine and surprising jolts — and the…Continue reading "Happiness Is A Jolt Between Your Thighs"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 12, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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‘P’ Is For Podcast and Pie
Last Wednesday’s PI public lecture featured bold men with beards instead of hot physicists talking about shower curtains. But Paul and I were nevertheless engrossed by the discussion of harmony and dissonance. And you too can be engrossed by listening…Continue reading "'P' Is For Podcast and Pie"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 10, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Crucibles
In our rush to catch the production of The Crucible put on by Fanshawe’s Theatre Arts program, we drove over lawns and violated several traffic laws while devouring burning slices of pizza. Our agitation was well worth it — we…Continue reading "Crucibles"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 10, 2006 in Various Positions
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How To Get Nowhere Fast
If you’re ever locked out of your car in front of the best gas station ever (the place that has showers, restaurants, truckers, televisions, and cheap gas), blame it on Laura. You still get flustered whenever she makes out with…Continue reading "How To Get Nowhere Fast"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 09, 2006 in How To
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Cameras are People Too
After several hours of fierce EBay action, my old camera found a new home in Arizona. In a single week it will travel 3,679 km — a pretty big distance for something with no legs. To make its voyage more…Continue reading "Cameras are People Too"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 07, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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I Am Canadian Culture
Yesterday’s postman brought me good news — my book is now part of the Library and Archives of Canada, the monolith whose mandate is “to preserve the documentary heritage of Canada for the benefit of present and future generations.” So…Continue reading "I Am Canadian Culture"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 06, 2006 in Various Positions
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Love, Poop And Chuck Norris in The Park
After breakfast, they both put on the anniversary shirts they got from the internet to celebrate two years of tenderness. Sherry’s shirt said, “When the Boogie Man goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.” Regan’s…Continue reading "Love, Poop And Chuck Norris in The Park"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 05, 2006 in Here & There
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A Meeting Of Monsters
At the Stitch’n’Kitsch show, beautiful people offered for adoption several kinds of existentialist monsters and other creatures weaved entirely out of awesome. The communal room of the co-op where the show was hosted became a monster underground and we…Continue reading "A Meeting Of Monsters"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 04, 2006 in Various Positions
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Little People Drink Milk, Embrace Ultra-Violence
Little kids are monsters. Full of blind hatred, last night they escaped their gilded cages in the playground, grabbed knifes and baseball bats, and smashed the shit out of all the symbolic representations of dinosaurs they could find….Continue reading "Little People Drink Milk, Embrace Ultra-Violence"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 04, 2006 in Various Positions
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Elmira is Sappy
Like 40,000 other people, we had the bright idea of invading Elmira’s Maple Syrup Festival just before noon on Saturday, completely unprepared for the cold weather. The wind was brisk and none of us wore enough layers. Consequently, we…Continue reading "Elmira is Sappy"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 03, 2006 in Here & There
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Sleep on Pink Sheets Dreaming of Syrup
After birthday parties and too much loneliness, Laura and I squeezed into a car loaded with boozed and bags to go visit visionary Indian friends, who, as it turns out, aren’t Indian at all. We talked mostly about penguins with…Continue reading "Sleep on Pink Sheets Dreaming of Syrup"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 03, 2006 in Various Positions
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When Words Are Replaced By Cold, Hard Hunger
Elmira made us feel cold and carnivorous towards chicken and each other….Continue reading "When Words Are Replaced By Cold, Hard Hunger"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 02, 2006 in Various Positions
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