June 12, 2006

The Thames River is where things go to die — thus, it’s also an excellent place to make out. While we were kissing hungrily the other day, Laura and I spotted an overturned office chair in the middle of the river. Someone tried to drown the black, vinyl beast, but its legs were still sticking up hopelessly.

I let go of Laura and hopped from one stone to another towards the middle of the river. I started tugging the chair back and forth when I noticed a giant dead fish languishing on the nearby rocks. The chair and the fish both looked lonely and bloated in their separate deaths. I decided to join them in their decomposition: I flopped the giant, dead fish unto the vinyl chair and rejoiced.

“This is probably the most disgusting deed I’ve ever done,” I said, my hands smelling of death.

“It’s an appropriate ode to office life,” Laura reassured me.

We went away happy. However, the fish wasn’t the only dead thing floating in the Thames that day:

The grisly discovery of a man’s body in the Thames River was still being investigated yesterday by London police, who released no new details on the case. The unidentified man’s body was pulled from the river banks near Riverside Drive shortly after a passerby saw it about 3 p.m. Friday. (link)