June 22, 2006

Her birthday falls on Bloomsday — the day when the whole world celebrates everything that’s good about postmodernism and tiny girls called Laura. And there are a lot of good things about Laura…

“Arrgh! You’re a monster,” I said, holding before her the cutest knitted monster I got from Alexandra’s monster shop. The monster was designed to look like Laura.

“See, your monster is shaped like a flaming vagina of screaming red. It even has teeth, extra eyes, and tentacles!”

Laura’s mouth suddenly exploded into a smile, and she gave tiny gasps of laughter as though something tickled her deep inside. She grabbed the knitted Laura Monster in her arms.

“Aww.” She said, as we flopped the gigantic knitted labia back and forth over the monster’s face, giggling madly (yes! the knitted monster even came with labia).

Late in the night, after spicy chicken and soft music, we came back home to cuddle on the couch with the knitted vagina monster.

“You’re a cuddly monster,” I said. She buried her nose in my shoulder, and we fell asleep dreaming of floppy labia.