June 2006 Archives
The Weekend Came Upon Us Like A Dirty Song
Dressed me up in women’s clothes Messed around with gender roles Dye my eyes and call me pretty Long weekend! Finally. I’m taking off for delicious roadtrips around Southern Ontario with small, furry mammals (Laura rented a puppy for the…Continue reading "The Weekend Came Upon Us Like A Dirty Song"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 30, 2006 in Various Positions
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Elora Spun Around Us Like Madness
On a rainy afternoon, I went to Elora. With Martin. To pee on water hydrants….Continue reading "Elora Spun Around Us Like Madness"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 29, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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Hazy Baby
It’s time to end the dreadful tyranny of the sharpness aesthetic. Everything that’s beautiful is hazy and delicate as the shadow of a dream. Welcome to the realm of the Lensbabies! Ready for the boring, technical details?Yesterday my Lensbaby…Continue reading "Hazy Baby"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 28, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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The Moondrenched Shores Of Our Beloved Planet
The karaoke contest was going well until a sweet, old lady decided to buy me booze. Up to that point, I was just nodding quietly, minding my own business. But once the booze started flowing, everybody else’s business became…Continue reading "The Moondrenched Shores Of Our Beloved Planet"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 26, 2006 in Various Positions
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The Future Waits
Laura and I have been thinking of shacking up together in Guelph. Today I found a place that has everything we need: a roof, a sink, and penis. We, wild children of the suburbs, will learn to plant flowers…Continue reading "The Future Waits"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 23, 2006 in Here & There
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Laura Day
Her birthday falls on Bloomsday — the day when the whole world celebrates everything that’s good about postmodernism and tiny girls called Laura. And there are a lot of good things about Laura… “Arrgh! You’re a monster,” I said, holding…Continue reading "Laura Day"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 22, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Linkfest: Let’s Make Our Neurons Tingle
Rejoice, for now you can see my calendar in all of its intense shades of blue. Stalk away! In other news, Jason will start his bike trip across Canada in six days, Carly is a filthy communist, and Sra…Continue reading "Linkfest: Let's Make Our Neurons Tingle"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 21, 2006 in Various Positions
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Birdlike Things
Stratford filled our bellies with drama and wailing. After a show that made us tremble with humanity, we roared through the city fearsome and constipated, doing the kinds of things fearsome and constipated people do. Mainly, we pretended to…Continue reading "Birdlike Things"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 21, 2006 in Here & There
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Angry Man Gets Sword, Destroys Village
My Visionary Friend and I get some of our best ideas when we’re hanging out in our underwear. “I want a sword,” he said. “Swords are pretty cool,” I agreed. We followed this train of thought to its completion,…Continue reading "Angry Man Gets Sword, Destroys Village"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 19, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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My Cold, Dead Hand
After spending a whole weekend in Stratford, Laura and I discovered that Shakespeare is a robot, and we were immediately stunned into polite silence….Continue reading "My Cold, Dead Hand"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 18, 2006 in Here & There
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War is Peace
One bottle of gasoline: $3.76 A dozen matches: $0.05 57 toy soldiers: $2.30 All this added up to raging flames of pure pretty when my Visionary Friend and I set our childhood dreams on fire. For an hour we…Continue reading "War is Peace"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 16, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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We Wore Nothing But Sunlight
For an entire morning in June we danced naked on empty beaches, our bodies colliding … touching … wrapped in ecstasy….Continue reading "We Wore Nothing But Sunlight"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 14, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Nakedness and a Little Death
The diner in Wallacetown makes its coffee strong and serves it with a dash of bitterness instead of cream. We drank enough of it to make our eyeballs and hands jitter spastically, madly content with the fullness of our…Continue reading "Nakedness and a Little Death"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 13, 2006 in Here & There
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Death on Office Furniture
The Thames River is where things go to die — thus, it’s also an excellent place to make out. While we were kissing hungrily the other day, Laura and I spotted an overturned office chair in the middle of…Continue reading "Death on Office Furniture"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 12, 2006 in Various Positions
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Fork You
Motivated by boredom and malice, Kristen and I stole everybody’s utensils and salt shakers to photograph them at awkward angles. When the food was finally served, people had to eat with their hands. The photos came out pretty great…Continue reading "Fork You"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 11, 2006 in Ideas & Images
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A Split Second of Pure Air
We gathered in the park at the end of the rainbow on a crisp, cloudy afternoon to fall from the sky. The playground equipment lay dormant and inviting, so we climbed up gilded ladders and took turns flinging ourselves…Continue reading "A Split Second of Pure Air"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 09, 2006 in Friends & Lovers
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Swamp Creatures Stalk Herons
My Visionary Indian Friend found out where the great blue herons hang out, and called me excitedly. “I’ll pick you up in five minutes,” he said. “We’ll need to use your rubber dinghy.” Half-an-hour later we arrived on the…Continue reading "Swamp Creatures Stalk Herons"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 08, 2006 in Here & There
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Hopeless Sounds Of Dying Sea Animals
My bike disintegrated somewhere in Toronto, the real derailleur snapping apart like the clamped shell of some edible sea animal. The snapping was accompanied by a loud rattling of chains, and soon afterwards I covered myself in oil grease from…Continue reading "Hopeless Sounds Of Dying Sea Animals"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 07, 2006 in Bike Rides
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Two Statements About Me
I am driven to destroy by my shackled loins. Sometimes I touch my face and laugh before visiting my wrath upon the sons of men….Continue reading "Two Statements About Me"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 05, 2006 in Various Positions
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Know This: Fireworks Smell Like The Farts Of A Thousand Angels
I told her about nights filled with daring, booze-fuelled explosions. “After Bryan finished consuming a prodigious amount of alcohol on Dave’s patio, he loaded his backpack with fireworks and beer. I put a lighter in my pocket and we…Continue reading "Know This: Fireworks Smell Like The Farts Of A Thousand Angels"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 04, 2006 in Here & There
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How Cold The Grass
Laura’s train pulled up to the station just as the storm ended. The night was electic with wetness and I was mad with wanting her. I haven’t seen her in a while. To celebrate, I pulled of my clothes and…Continue reading "How Cold The Grass"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 01, 2006 in Various Positions
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