Hopeless Sounds Of Dying Sea Animals

My bike disintegrated somewhere in Toronto, the real derailleur snapping apart like the clamped shell of some edible sea animal. The snapping was accompanied by a loud rattling of chains, and soon afterwards I covered myself in oil grease from…
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You Turn My Oranges Inside Out

Jason got a sleek, oiled machine for his bike ride across Canada this summer — I could see it sparkle seductively from the other end of the street when I met him and Kylie, his partner in cross-country adventures,…
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Hyperlink My Bike Ride

Saturday morning tasted like spring, vitamin D, and rainbows, which gave us at least three good reasons to polish our death machines and pedal down busy highways without hamlets or fears. One smooth, uninterrupted motion took us all the…
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The show must go on

ITs all good . It is winter and not much sun too much mud and the spirts are low. I went for a ride by my self the other night and got to section of the trail and was so…
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New Bike Day

I’ve got a bike, You can ride it if you like It’s got a basket, a bell that rings And things to make it look good It was raining like hell that night when we decided to get me…
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Surreal

Today I stood on the same burning stretch of pavement for eight straight hours and saw not just bikers in flashy clothes speeding by but also Mennonite men with dark fedoras and their meek women … children with Jesus…
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Cooling Off in Sewage Tunnels

Laura and I went off riding our bikes in the smoggy heat until we were naked and horny in the sewage tunnels between here and Cambridge. I don’t quite understand it either — all that I know is that…
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A Day at The Races

Where are the rains we were promised? I biked towards the end of town at 7 o’clock this morning to marshal KW’s Classic bike race. The morning smelled like rain and the overcast sky was violently blue and ready…
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Stolen Ride

Some motherfucker stole my bicycle in the middle of the night. Now I feel sentimental and foolish. I need my crappy, rusty, Canadian Tire bike back! The Purple Monster made me feel alive — it took me all around the…
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The End of the Purple Monster

Canadian Tire, why aren’t your bikes super anymore? I don’t like it when things come apart at the seams. My bike was supposed to kill me, not the other way around. Canadian Tire, is my ass too big? I…
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Ride to Paris

I wanted to spend the weekend in Sarnia with my beautiful people, but the dull ache in my legs made the idea of biking another desperate 230 km rather unappealing. Because Kitchener is no place to spend a Sunday,…
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Life and Pain

I didn’t know how to leave Toronto. “Take the second street on the right, then straight on till morning,” Zorianna’s father told me before I got on my bicycle. And after twelve hours of excruciating pain and joy, I…
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Easy Rider

We felt too lazy to bike down to Elora, my friend and I. Our last trip there was hell — we toiled for hours in the hot sun and came home with warped tires and worn-out souls — and…
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Stratford

I got on my bike yesterday after finishing breakfast and headed towards Stratford with a bellyful of ideas and $10 in my pockets. The trucks zooming by inches away from my elbow in the strong morning wind made me…
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New Sleeping Bag Day

Thursdays are windy and fresh. And because this Thursday smelt so inviting, and I had a new sleeping bag under my arm and a bottle of wine in my backpack, I decided to bike through the community trails that crisscross…
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Smooth Ride

Today’s trip to Canadian Tired was followed by an intense bike repair session in my garage. A new chain and a bit of lubrication made everyone happy — my bike is now smooth as hell, and though my fingers…
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