Boys are such pigs

I decided that my fuzzy pig hat is so awesome it deserves to be photographed for an entire year. That’s right — new photo project: me wearing a pig hat. And not much else. This is going to rock…
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Fall, we hardly knew ye

Looks like I got geared up for winter just in time. It started snowing today. And nothing makes a shitty, wintry day better than wearing a fuzzy, pink pig hat….
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We’ve got yer pixels right here

Emily and I went down to Toronto on Friday to learn how to inject some glamour into our photography. Apparently, not making people look like fucking monsters is key. The ride to Toronto is endless, so we had a…
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Strange Fruit

In case you missed it, I have a new book out. It is a story about longing and sweetness and losing something important like love or your mind. People all over teh internets have already rubbed it against their…
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Coffee Project: exploring the limits of awkwardness

So far the coffee project was a dizzying swirl of awkward and awesome. We sipped hot liquids delicately, shot coffee through our noses, witnessed dog fights, told stories about porcelain, saw flashes of light, cameras, action. Steph summed it…
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Photoroam Goes Global

The second annual world-wide photowalk happened yesterday. I’ve never taken so many awful shots for such a prolonged period of time: In other news, do you need to get the Kitchener Fire Department out to your place on short notice?…
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Can’t sleep, clown will get me

Clowns used to be everywhere. But they must’ve gone into hiding because it took me a solid week of scouring various thrift stores to find one suitable for burning — one showing the right mixture of childish innocence and sadism….
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Picture This

The weekend was picture perfect. First, I made lovers throw off their shoes, jump into creeks, jab the evening air with pitchforks, and climb trees laughing. And next day it was time for a little ad-hoc photo show on…
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Kiwanis Park is melting in the dark

The dog and I spent most of our free time this week roaming through Kiwanis Park. The park is fantastic — tucked away in a forgotten corner of the city, Kiwanis is wild, wet, and nearly deserted for most…
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Sunny Day Photoroam

Ah! It’s been years since I’ve last been on a photoroam. Thus, to celebrate my glorious return to the city, Chris set up a photo outing in my new neighborhood. We all grabbed our cameras and went out to shoot…
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Coffee = YES

In an effort to delay the onset of dementia, I’m drinking up to six cups of coffee per day. If you’re in the ‘loo and I’m in the ‘loo, then maybe we can hook up and fight dementia together!…
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Construction!

Guess whose photo graces the latest cover of the “official magazine of Construction Specifications Canada”? Yep … this is pretty awesome: I just received a glossy copy of the magazine in the mail and it made me feel all warm…
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Pin down the mini-pin

Regan and Sherry came by with their amazing mini-pin creature. Ryder went apeshit over the little bundle of cuteness. She pinned down the mini-pin and liked it in inappropriate places. O how we laughed! And then, to celebrate the…
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Castle Magic

On Halloween we photographer a lovely wedding at Casa Loma in Toronto. The setting was magical and Josh and Danielle were stylish, glamorous and wonderful to photograph. I shot over 1,000 frames that evening, and now I’m processing photos like…
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R3 Love

CBC Radio 3 sent some loving my way. Sweet! Update: R3 love take two….
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Stretching my Range

Once upon the time, our personal Jesus captured images on sheets of plastic coated with an emulsion containing light-sensitive silver halide salts. His light-capture devices were entirely manual and exquisitely shiny. Once the images were developed from the negatives,…
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I Is Teh Suxor

My tiny lomo camera is a finicky, lightstarved monster that has a mind of its own. I find it surprisingly challenging taking good pictures with it. Over the last week I shot two whole rolls of film and almost…
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365 Days

A year ago Laura and I went on a walk through the arboretum. Because it was a gorgeous autumn day, I threw leaves in my hair, made a stupid face, and said, “Hey, I want to take a picture…
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A Day for Sunflowers

I bought half-a-dozen sunflowers from the market today. They’re full of bugs and strange insects, but they’re lovely all the same. Sunflowers are pretty awesome; more awesome than unicorns even….
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The Mask Is Packing Its Bags For a Trip

The mask and I have been on some pretty awesome adventures this week: we ate apples, ran naked through fields, hanged out with Laura, and explored abandoned barns and other places of longing. We got along so well, in…
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Finally Got A Fucking Gas Mask

Thanks to Corwin’s encouragement, I got a gas mask from eBay. This is almost as bad as that one time I ordered a mannequin online — things only went downhill from there….
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May Prizes…Whee!

May started off with a bang — not only did I get to meet the lovely people of the Guelph Flickr group at the Red Brick cafe, but I also won the first prize in group’s inaugural photo contest….
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Fringe Was All About Unicorns

Because Alexandra is awesome, she got me to photograph this year’s WLU Fringe festival. Consequently, for an entire week I got to strap cameras to my body and see Fringe reach new heights of funniness, insightfullness, and crapulence. First,…
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Christmas Bear Attack!

And for Christmas this year, I give you a touching story about bears. And love: And in case you missed it, my Advent Calendar is almost complete. Ho-ho-ho….
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Christmas Joy

This year I’ve been so excited about Christmas that I’ve decided to start an advent calendar. But unlike most advent calendars, this one contains no sweets. Instead, it features photos of me showing my Christ Love. I’m only now…
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The World Needs More Pictures Of Me Wearing Only Ideas

Everybody needs more self-loathing narcissism in their lives. That’s why a bit over a month ago I said, “Hey! I should take more pictures of my ass.” And I did. I took one picture every day for 38 days, quite…
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Step Into The White, Bright Light

It’s hard to take good photos of my ass crack in the dark. Thus, because I needed more light to illuminate the furry crevices of my body, I went by Canadian Tire to stare into their light fixtures until…
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Flashback to the Spring of our Lives

Spring and early summer felt something like this:      …
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Let’s Map All The Lonely Places We’ve Been

Do you remember how all the cool kids started geotagging their photos last year even though the process itself was tedious and unintuitive? You first had to hunt for your latitude and longitude coordinates on a map, then tag…
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Flashback Through The Winter Months

In retrospective, the space of time between December to March looked something like this:…
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Elora Spun Around Us Like Madness

On a rainy afternoon, I went to Elora. With Martin. To pee on water hydrants….
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Hazy Baby

It’s time to end the dreadful tyranny of the sharpness aesthetic. Everything that’s beautiful is hazy and delicate as the shadow of a dream. Welcome to the realm of the Lensbabies! Ready for the boring, technical details?Yesterday my Lensbaby…
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War is Peace

One bottle of gasoline: $3.76 A dozen matches: $0.05 57 toy soldiers: $2.30 All this added up to raging flames of pure pretty when my Visionary Friend and I set our childhood dreams on fire. For an hour we…
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Fork You

Motivated by boredom and malice, Kristen and I stole everybody’s utensils and salt shakers to photograph them at awkward angles. When the food was finally served, people had to eat with their hands. The photos came out pretty great…
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No More Flowers, Today We’re Climbing Into The Sky

It all started as a relaxing fieldtrip — fifteen people in my photography class brought their cameras to Waterloo Park and promptly fell on their knees to better photograph flowers at different shutter speeds. I got bored with the…
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The Fascination With Garbage Continues

Because the smooth trails of the Kiwanis Park no longer satisfied us, we boldly jumped fences to find the best garbage dump in the world. Piles of concrete littered the landscape, and we jumped like supermen from one pile…
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Bottles of Poo and Other Adventures

The photoroam was unfolding splendidly by the time I showed up late in the afternoon. The cluster of slow-moving people clutched their reality distortion devices and stopped now and again to pose awkwardly on the tracks — it was…
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Murmurs of Easter and Forgotten Faith

This weekend was the Orthodox Easter and everything around the dinner table was dripping with symbolism: lamb soup, lamb stakes, lamb intestines wrapped in warm dough. It feels as though I went on a binge, eating nothing but the…
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Is this the story of Johnny Rotten?

Jason and Dan watched with incredulity as I jumped into the murky water beneath the railway bridge as quickly as I could. The ducks were startled and my shoes got wet, but I couldn’t afford to waste any time…
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Your Past Is 25 Cents A Piece

The antique market in Elmira sold fragments of other people’s memories for 25 cents a piece. We smiled as we scavenged through this treasure throve of family mementos, loading our pockets with as many awkward, personal moments as we…
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Happiness Is A Jolt Between Your Thighs

Duct tape is the best thing ever. On Sunday I used a whole roll of it to strap a video camera to my bike and drift around town. The day was full of sunshine and surprising jolts — and the…
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‘P’ Is For Podcast and Pie

Last Wednesday’s PI public lecture featured bold men with beards instead of hot physicists talking about shower curtains. But Paul and I were nevertheless engrossed by the discussion of harmony and dissonance. And you too can be engrossed by listening…
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Cameras are People Too

After several hours of fierce EBay action, my old camera found a new home in Arizona. In a single week it will travel 3,679 km — a pretty big distance for something with no legs. To make its voyage more…
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Give It To Me All At Once

Do you want to see all of my 1188 flickr photos at once? Of course you do! Click this link and both your head and your computer will ‘asplode!…
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Tuds Does Western

I followed Laura to school almost compulsively this weekend. Each day she sat down in the grad lounge to work on presentations, and as soon as she did so I groped her, ripped off my clothes with abandon, and then…
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Show Me Your Depth of Field

I’ve got a macro lens this weekend that turns even a trip to the bathroom into an exciting adventure of texture and colour! I’d show you, but I feel censored. So instead of displaying my wang, let me show you…
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Death and my Cock are the World

Whenever my love phones me from the depths of her loneliness, all I do is talk about cock. I’m an asshole like that. “I don’t know about cock anymore,” I say in a quivery voice. “I’m not sure if…
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Jerkface

If you’re going to act all wierd and shit, you might as well do it in a city where nobody knows your name, preferably a crappy place like Cambridge where the children are full of rage. Mmm, Cambridge. That’s…
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the visitor

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Throw Your Cameras Into The Air

I told her how I spend my mornings spinning my camera in the air above my bed. “Is that why you moved back to Waterloo, to spend the whole day in your underwear taking pictures?” “‘But this is important stuff!…
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Things You Should Know About 9AM

In the mornings, my bed sheets are a vicious, intoxicating blur of colours, dreams and semen, a blur that makes it impossible for me to ever get up before noon….
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Experimental

Because it’s cold outside and I’m still unemployed, I’ve been spending the last few days alone in my room seeking a profound, cellular understanding of other life forms. Edwin the cactus seems to mildly approve while the tangerines are…
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Karl

By their very nature, photoroams are unpredictable. Thus, the roam that was supposed to take place Friday night actually took place Thursday at a different time in a slightly different place. Similarly, none of us predicted it would get…
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Glimpses of Life From August To December

Flashback time! From August to December I’ve swamped you with lovely pictures of genitals and other pointy things. Look:   Wanna go further back? Check out the archives….
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Everything Twitches With Life

It’s almost Christmas, and everything in the nearby mall twitches with awkward, mechanical motions. Scary shit….
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From June to August

From June to August life looked like this, and it was good:…
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Machines That Bite

And now let’s talk of happy things, like monkeys, malls, and kings. Last night we went, my love and I, to the mall on the edge of town to acquire things (scarves), eat pseudo-Chinese food (yum), and watch movies…
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Spreading

I’ll tell you a funny story about penis: Many months ago I decided it would be fun to scan my cock and then post the results on the Internet. All of my friends can still remember what they were…
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Freaky Time

Kitchen implements look freaky … on my face. Just like everything else….
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Pictures. Canzine.

Pictures from far away trips are always kinda neat. Corwin has a bunch too — go look….
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Oh, That Intellectual Jizzm

I’ll tell you again: convocations are feasts of boredom that will sear your brain with meaningless words and intellectual jizzm. For twenty minutes before the ceremony, I huddled with the other 700 graduates in a long, narrow corridor. The…
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Photoroam: Hillside Park

I left London in the morning on a Greyhound, and when I arrived in Kitchener I was so excited to see Jason Shim waiting for me at the station, I ran directly into his arms and humped his right…
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Rain. Night.

The best thing about my job is the hour-long break that comes late in the evening on rainy days. Then the streets are wet with anguish and the whole city smells like vapour. London is strange like that —…
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Scared Yet?

Today I found staggering photographic evidence of just how terrifying I am. This Halloween I’m just going to be wearing my face!…
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Technicolour Death

Today I spent four hours outside watching leaves decay in a thousand golden patterns and rushes of rust. Even the streams and metal things abandoned in the wilderness now have the same colour as the dying leaves. And I’ll…
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Photoroam: Where Green Fields Are Drenched in Asphalt

Because it still doesn’t feel like autumn, Martin, Opal and I went to the place that was once called Columbia Lake. It should not longer be called that: someone drained the lake and covered most of the nearby hills…
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Tell Me About Poverty So I Can Cry On Your Shoulder

Last year I sneaked into the Segram building to hear Dr. Slaughter lecture on terrorism. I went there thinking her lecture would be as exciting as her name, but by the time she was done speaking I was more…
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That Hat You Wore

That cowboy hat you wore last Tuesday, which you claim to have bought for $5 in a second-hand store, now has a narrative life of its own. This worries me. Soon it will take over your head and demand…
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What The Body Remembers

My skin remembers all those nights we touched. Your breath felt sweet and warm against my chest, and your tiny, pale body was glued to mine with a million drops of sweat. And now I’m suddenly restless and lonesome…
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Photoroam: Kiwanis Park

Because it was a lazy Sunday morning and we had nothing better to do, we got in Martin’s shiny car and drove to the end of Kitchener to find the Kiwanis Park. “The place is abandoned and beautiful this…
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Cemetery Roam

When I woke up in Canada for the first time, I was 12 and severely jet-lagged. And I remember going out barefoot on the balcony to look down on the strange land I was now inhabiting. The first thing…
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Turn on Your Flickr

Because flickr is so fucking useful it makes me cry, I told myself, “Perhaps you should take advantage its awesome API and find a way to display your photostream on your site.” And today I did just that. Animals….
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Selfreflexive Behaviour

We met at the golden hour on the main street in New Hamburg and instantly whipped out our cameras and started taking pictures of others taking pictures. There were six of us, locked in some kind of weird meta-photographic…
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Cleaning Makes Me Horny

So we went to London to clean floors and hide under papasan chairs. More soon….
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Messin’ With Perspectives

What started with a simple roam in the park, quickly escalated into some kind of postmodern exercise in recreating reality. Yesterday, seven people (many of whom haven’t met before), climbed to the top of St. Jacobs armed with cameras,…
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Battle of Innocence

On a rainy morning, we wandered for an hour amongst ruins dreaming of a life without worries or inhibitions. She was bleeding slightly, but we felt free and innocent and everybody was our friend. I kept trying to pull…
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Fish Aye

When I took out my new fisheye lens from its cage, you said, “Here, take a picture of a picture and feed it into your machine.” You looked so beautiful and distorted sitting naked on my floor, holding my…
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Hillside In Pictures

The weekend was full of smiles and hidden cameras. These are the images that made my camera happy: Funny quote: “The Stars would be awesome if they would shoot Torquil Campbell and burn his corpse in a garbage bin,” Matty…
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Flashback

It’s been a while since I last barraged you with images. And because images are sexy, here’s a visual tour of the last few months:     If you’re not yet overwhelmed by images, see some of the previous flashbacks…
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Oh, This Will Be Awkward

I biked to the photo lab today and gave them a CD and some spare change. “Print everything,” I said. The CD contains about 160 pictures of my ass and other body parts. The whole trip was rather ominous;…
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How to Edit Photos

This is a continuation of my letter to Annia, who wanted to know about Tudography. Today I’m discussing editing techniques, and yesterday I told her how I take pictures. This is a beginner’s guide — add your wisdom in the…
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How to Take Photos

Annia wrote me a lovely email the other day confessing her “unhealthy obsession with Tudography.” She asked me to devote a few posts to the way I take pictures, and because I’m a sucker for flattery I agreed. So today…
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Tags

Tags are fantastic — I just labeled some of my photos and I’m startled by the satisfying kaleidoscope of images they create. Wow! Fishes, signs, rocks, leaves, nakedness and more. The effects of tagging are even more impressive on an…
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Softly Ending

April is the month for goodbyes. In 10 days I’m leaving Laurier forever, and my heart is filled with bitterness and nostalgia, love and hate, memories and regrets. It’s about fucking time I graduate, but I’ll miss this messed up…
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Genocide and Minimalist Gods

The third annual Interdisciplinary Arts Conference was a mess of interesting and conflicting theories on the nature of god and evil. Early in the morning a computer engineer from UWO tried to convince us that God was information. The whole…
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Shower with Your Camera Day

My camera and I now shower together. Last night I used a high-tech device (called a plastic bag) to protect its circuitry from the scalding water, and we both survived the experiment. The photographic results are intriguing: Hmm … is…
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Hand me a Prize

My dummy hand, which I once flailed through Chinatown, never gave me an orgasm (or a satisfying grope) despite Trevor’s advice. The wooden fingers couldn’t handle my woody. But despite its shortfallings, the hand was handed the second prize…
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Flashback

Words exhaust me. I’ll give you images instead of stories. Here’s a collage of conflicting memories from the last four months: —>  More images? Previous flashbacks happened in November 2004, September 2004, and May 2004….
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Lap Dances are Sexy

Jackie and Josh set their lizard loose around the house. We watched it drag its belly across the wooden floors and giggled when it angrily attacked the mirror. Without a sense of self, lizards go apeshit when faced by…
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I’ll Never Tire of This

A week ago I forced Erin to run around the campus taking pictures of snow. “Show me what winter looks like,” I said. Erin came back that evening with photographs of people freezing, icicles sparkling, and snow drifting —…
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Stop Feeding Offa Me! (explained)

Jason told me about a pretty girl called Dawn. She once had a blog that came with a disclaimer. “You don’t know me,” Dawn wrote. “The things I share here are random bits and pieces of me. They are only…
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Stop Eating Me

I’m suddenly worried that my blog has transformed me into a commodity to be consumed….
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Let’s Take Photos

I haven’t taken any good pictures in weeks (winter is so dreary), so today I sat down and thought of things I’d like to photograph. It’s important to choose good subjects* — you’ll have to experience them intimately. Here’s what…
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Tell Them Your Project Failed Day

Stand on your chair and tell them you don’t like the way things are going: your writers disappeared; your editors fled the city in terror; your publication didn’t produce either content or porn. “I’m tired,” say, “and I’m losing the…
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Dear Dr. C.,

Let’s talk about cock. By Thursday afternoon you expect me to write a well-argued, insightful essay of no more than 8 pages on the topic of gender in Renaissance drama. To help me you have even provided a list of…
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Flashback

The last three months were filled with wild eyes, marvellous flesh, and cocks of desire. See!         If you want to go further into the past, you’ll find previous flashbacks here and here….
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Buy Nothing Day

Nicole jumped on my back and we ran through the concourse kicking people.
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Learning Taskforce and Technology

The first meeting of the taskforce on learning services took place last Friday. It was intense. “Let’s dream of the future,” someone said; we closed our eyes and envisioned ways of integrating the existing academic services at Laurier. Most of…
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Taskforce

The good: I’m part of the newly created taskforce on student learning services. The committee has ambitious plans to further academics at Laurier and I’m excited to be part of it. Dr. Sue Horton, the new VP academic, wants the…
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Dance Me

During his lecture, Max Wyman suggested that dance is the most “piercing affirmation of what it means to be human.” He showed the audience clips from famous ballets and how twitching muscles express emotion. I liked the men in tights…
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Dance Lecture, In Brief

He said dance is about transcendence and touch. Just like fucking. Or smelling fingers.
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Propaganda Pictures

The Public Affairs office takes silly pictures of silly people. I found this out on Thursday when I stopped by to have my picture taken for the Students’ Union website. “The pictures are really professional,” we were warned. Consequently,…
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You Go Girl!

I learned two valuable things in my English seminar today. First, I’m becoming an asshole. Second, I’m losing patience with the English program. For two years I sat through endless lectures disagreeing vehemently with everything said. I get angry when…
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Dr. Slaughter’s Lecture, in brief

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Grand Re-Opening, in brief

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Town Hall, in Brief

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Make Everyone Giggle Day

Do black have longer cocks than whites, “hanging down even to their ankles?”
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The Photograph

Books full of pretty pictures turn me on, and because I needed something to distract me on my ride to Toronto last week, I stopped by a used bookstore and bought Clarke’s history of The Photograph. The pictures enthralled me,…
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Paint it Black (and White)

Black and white photos are starting to fascinate me, mainly because I don’t quite understand them. I don’t know how they work; I’m baffled that the reduction of a world saturated with colours to a single dimension can be…
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Another Flashback

It’s been a while since I’ve last done this, so let’s flip back and look at the pretty pictures again. Here are the last few months in pictures:…
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Identity

Everybody laughed when I stood on my soapbox and pointed at my orifices, declaring that identity is a malleable construct. Afterwards, my orifices hurt and I felt dejected. But Zorianna’s email made me feel better about the whole incident. She…
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Tudor’s Faces

Every memory that needed to die somehow found its way into my drawers, including various photo IDs from the institutions I’ve visited.
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New Journalism

It’s all about experience. Two months ago when Katie asked me to write a piece about body art, I went out and pierced my left nipple. I didn’t need a piercing to write the article, but the result would…
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Flashback

Six months have gone by in the blink of an eye. I started blogging in mid-November, since then I’ve been tirelessly gushing about my days, nights, and bodily fluids — some of my entries make even me cringe. The last…
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24 Hours

Instead of sleeping I roamed the streets at night. Yesterday morning I got up and decided to spend 24 hours awake, documenting all of my movements and thoughts. I wanted to use my camera as a scalpel to slice…
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Evil Demon of Images

Images. Over 60 billion of them will be taken this year alone. Some will be staggering, others will be mediocre, but all will be evil. At least according to Baudrillard who called them murderers of the real. Images don’t…
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Purveyor of Fine Pornography

Because I wanted life to be one lovely accident after another, I never planned my future in any detail — things sort of happened. But today I drank two cups of coffee in the span of ten minutes while…
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New Gazebos Day

Today the sky was filled with perfect blue, not peals of thunder, which gave me enough reason to stop by the park on my way to Laurier. Things changed since I’ve last been there. Something must have compelled city…
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Business Opportunities

Trevor’s dinghy changed my life. I’m now seriously considering starting a business to ferry people up and down the river all day long. It would be quite profitable, I imagine. Kids would pay an arm and a leg for a…
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Real

Jason sounded hellishly nervous before presenting his undergraduate thesis on rituals in Second Life, the virtual universe he has explored for the last six months. “It’s going to suck,” he said. Jason’s topic was ambitiously fresh, and his anxiety understandable….
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Pricky

Two days ago I harshly critiqued some of the stale entries in the autoerotic affirmation project, so early this morning I jumped out of bed to see if I could do something more imaginative with my camera. I threw…
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AutoErotic

Shirley knows me too well. Last night she sent me a link to autoerotic, a project that encourages everyday people to take off their clothes in front of a camera and reaffirm their sensuality. “It’s so you,” she said. I…
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Good to Eat a Thousand Years

In the beginning I was clumsy and nervous so I kept poking myself in the thigh with the fork balanced on my lap.
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Dicking Around

I spent my Valentine’s Day pondering how to scan my genitals and display them on the Internet. Since I have a scanner, a penis, and a certain eagerness to take my clothes off, I figured that I can contribute some…
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Through a Glass, Darkly

Yesterday, Heather and I started talking about my blog as soon as I arrived, 15 minutes late, to take her shopping. I said something stupid on our way downtown, where my visionary Indian friend was waiting for us. “My blog…
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Aimless Drifting

I gave Heather no cactuses, street signs, or other gifts of darkness on her birthday. By the time I made my way uptown most shops were closed, and as I found out two days ago, street signs are impossible to…
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Passion?

I’ve been trying, without much success, to capture a truthful and gripping image of my own body. It seems I have neither the imagination nor the technique to photograph myself, and this is painfully apparent each time I’m confronted by…
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