Writing & the Media Archives
Media 2.0 - Same Human Filth, Shorter Sentences
I’ve hated twitter for the longest fucking time with almost the same burning passion with which I’ve hated Facebook. Any “social service” that only serves up a vapid, vacuous burst of meaningless self-involved conversation should go bankrupt and fall off…Continue reading "Media 2.0 - Same Human Filth, Shorter Sentences"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 07, 2009
| 7 comments
Loneliness & Other Vices
Yep. My 365days book is out. Remember all that craziness?! Well, the book is even better than the internets — its more colourful and the photos have more … ahem … wang. You can get your very own copy…Continue reading "Loneliness & Other Vices"
Posted by Tudor on May 22, 2008
| 5 comments
Printing …
For the last month I’ve been slowly working on a tiny book. I say slowly because I’ve been feeling very lazy lately. And I say tiny because it has only 20 pages. But each page is packed with photos…Continue reading "Printing ..."
Posted by Tudor on Jan 12, 2006
| 4 comments
Smashy-Smashy Time
Somewhere in the land of twitching Christmas ornaments, a sketchy bookseller was peddling cheap copies of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I bought one on impulse, and last night in a couple of hours I devoured the first few…Continue reading "Smashy-Smashy Time"
Posted by Tudor on Dec 24, 2005
| 5 comments
Why Blog?
A wonderful stranger with the best name in the world asked me the other day why I do the things I do. Why do I make my life so public? Aren’t I worried people will misunderstand? And if I worry,…Continue reading "Why Blog?"
Posted by Tudor on Oct 07, 2005
| 6 comments
With Oats and Barley In Our Hair
So I wrote a story about llamas because llamas are good for you. This is supposed to be the first chapter of a larger work. As always, feedback is appreciated — tell me how not to make things suck. The…Continue reading "With Oats and Barley In Our Hair"
Posted by Tudor on Oct 01, 2005
| 2 comments
Llamas Are Us
“So, what’s your next story about?” Laura asked. “Llamas,” I said. “I’m writing a story entirely about llamas: the way they look and feel and run about. You see, llamas are a counter-cultural force.” “Llamas?” “Yes! They spit with such…Continue reading "Llamas Are Us"
Posted by Tudor on Sep 26, 2005
| 2 comments
A Story About Action
They said, “write a story about action.” And because I’m a guy, whenever I hear the word action I think of getting it on. After a few seconds, I also think of Conflict! Strife! Struggle! Consequently, I wrote a story…Continue reading "A Story About Action"
Posted by Tudor on Sep 22, 2005
| 4 comments
When The Circus Came To Town
I wrote a story about monkeys. Because it still needs work, I’d appreciate your feedback, especially if your name is Dave Alexander (if your name is not Dave Alexander, you can always pretend). I first saw them, the boy and…Continue reading "When The Circus Came To Town"
Posted by Tudor on Sep 10, 2005
| 5 comments
Incidents in London
For three days on Laura’s couch I’ve been trying to write meaningful, moving stories about monkeys … but I’ve been too wonderfully distracted. Consequently, all of my sentences are about anuses. Indeed, now that I look back on my notebook,…Continue reading "Incidents in London"
Posted by Tudor on Sep 05, 2005
| 5 comments
Put The Fun in Fundraising
There’s only one way to write a fun fundraising manual — go to a park on a sunny afternoon with a notepad and a pen and find a hard, sturdy bench. Write stories about cats, drawing meaningful connections between their…Continue reading "Put The Fun in Fundraising"
Posted by Tudor on Aug 18, 2005
| 2 comments
Maria Korp Slaughters Goats
Most newspaper article are written in the inverted pyramid format — this means that the most important information sits in the first paragraph and subsequent paragraphs clarify and elaborate that one key idea. Not so with this article from Australia,…Continue reading "Maria Korp Slaughters Goats"
Posted by Tudor on Aug 14, 2005
| 2 comments
Soft, Mushy Shit
The writing course is not going the way I expected. The book I’m reading keeps asking me to dig deep within my unconscious, to find the forgotten fossils of my childhood, and from there to extract my stories. But I…Continue reading "Soft, Mushy Shit"
Posted by Tudor on Aug 11, 2005
| 7 comments
Stories
The worst part about not graduating this summer as I was supposed to was explaining things to my parents. “Yeah, I’m a fucking failure,” I said. “We know.” The best part is that I get to take one more course…Continue reading "Stories"
Posted by Tudor on Aug 03, 2005
| 5 comments
The Tudor Show
Next Saturday is Blogathon day — that’s when I’ll be writing something funny, something sad every half hour for 24 hours. Hopefully. You see, so far I received exactly $0 in pledges, which makes it hard for me to participate…Continue reading "The Tudor Show"
Posted by Tudor on Jul 30, 2005
| 15 comments
Blogging For Literacy
While flipping through the photo archives at work, I came across of a smiling photo of Jack Layton at a literacy event five years ago. Back then Jack wasn’t famous — he didn’t lead a socialist party and everyone…Continue reading "Blogging For Literacy"
Posted by Tudor on Jul 22, 2005
| 4 comments
Literacy is Awesome
I usually try not to write anything too specific about my job, but because my work excites me today I will make an exception. This summer I’m doing marketing and public relations for Laubach Literacy Ontario (LLO), a non-profit,…Continue reading "Literacy is Awesome"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 27, 2005
| 7 comments
A Story for Dave
A year ago Dave said, “Write me a story — I want to profit from your brilliance.” And I said, “Dave, I usually don’t write stories but for you I’ll make an exception.” The story I wrote is ass, literally….Continue reading "A Story for Dave"
Posted by Tudor on May 26, 2005
| 2 comments
Metadiscourse
Each morning I get up, eat slabs of meat with my fingers, and contemplate killing this blog. The writing has grown stagnant, and the narrative is dwindling into incoherence. I feel that I’ve run out of ideas — I can…Continue reading "Metadiscourse"
Posted by Tudor on May 02, 2005
| 6 comments
Submit!
Fuck! I can’t stop talking about the WLUSU essay competition! Dan reminded me today that I haven’t seen the other submissions, and thus I’m in a poor position to comment on the winners. Besides, he says, “you completely overlook the…Continue reading "Submit!"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 19, 2005
| 9 comments
But You’re Not Even Literate
The Students’ Union organized an essay-writing contest to reward illiteracy. The question was simple, “why do people volunteer at Laurier more so than at other schools?” The answers were abysmal. The winners failed to answer the question and also…Continue reading "But You're Not Even Literate"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 17, 2005
| 29 comments
Anniversary
Wow! I feel like celebrating now that I’ve been blogging for a year. Orgies and offerings would be nice, but so far nobody volunteered to partake in either. Looks like I’ll have to settle for something different. “What should I…Continue reading "Anniversary"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 11, 2004
| 5 comments
Cohen and Necrophilia
“Yes! What’s not to like about necrophilia?” I demanded pounding my hand on the table.Continue reading "Cohen and Necrophilia"
Posted by Tudor on Oct 26, 2004
| 3 comments
Propaganda
“Use me in your propaganda,” she said. And I did. Today my Martha’s lovely eye will be everywhere….Continue reading "Propaganda"
Posted by Tudor on Sep 21, 2004
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Cognitive Dissonance
Everything got fucked up once I turned 24. Yesterday I awoke with a headache, oppressed by cruel cognitive dissonances — I’m no longer able to reconcile my beliefs with my actions. For instance, though I’m vehemently opposed to long-term planning,…Continue reading "Cognitive Dissonance"
Posted by Tudor on Aug 26, 2004
| 9 comments
Shrek the Marxist
Today I thought of Karl Marx at least once while seeing Shrek 2 in a roomful of screaming children. I didn’t mind the children — they should all be exposed to Marxist philosophy, and Shrek is just the movie…Continue reading "Shrek the Marxist"
Posted by Tudor on Jun 06, 2004
| 1 comment
Write About Orifices
I spent the afternoon naked on my bed rereading the Tropic of Cancer. Naked — that’s the only way to read Miller’s intoxicating words that make your cock jolt upright when you whisper them, words full of resonance like: Even…Continue reading "Write About Orifices"
Posted by Tudor on May 28, 2004
| 1 comment
Booktalk (Part 2)
These are the next 10 items in my 100 favourite books list: Like most of Herman Hesse’s books, Siddhartha is an intensely mystical journey from ignorance to tranquillity (and meaning). Siddhartha’s epiphanies (that we are all one and one is…Continue reading "Booktalk (Part 2)"
Posted by Tudor on May 22, 2004
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Constipation
Regan is spilling words from every orifice, stringing them together into lovely sentences. And I’m jealous. My orifices have run dry except for the occasional shit and cum that dribbles out Tuesdays and Thursdays. I need words to properly colour…Continue reading "Constipation"
Posted by Tudor on May 12, 2004
| 2 comments
My 100 Books List (Part 1)
Some books make even the hair on my legs stand on its end, others make my body convulse in quick bursts of pleasure, and once I cummed while reading random passages aloud. Because I have an intense relation with my…Continue reading "My 100 Books List (Part 1)"
Posted by Tudor on May 11, 2004
| 1 comment
Recording Truth Truly
I started reading Miller’s Tropic of Cancer (oh, what a seductively joyous book it is!), which is staggeringly prefaced with the following quote by Emerson: These novels will give way, by and by, to diaries or autobiographies — captivating books,…Continue reading "Recording Truth Truly"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 29, 2004
| 2 comments
The Man Who Was Thursday
Fascinated by the poetic force of anarchy, I read The Man Who Was Thursday twice in the last couple of days, and with each reading the book became more imaginative and the anarchists more desperate. I first read the book…Continue reading "The Man Who Was Thursday"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 28, 2004
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Words
Our plans to spend a night on a rooftop, shouting obscenities and waiting for the sunrise, have been postponed. Trevor is busy and Zorianna is sick. Because some diseases are sexy to share (or at least have cool names), I…Continue reading "Words"
Posted by Tudor on Apr 16, 2004
| 5 comments
Know our Velocity
Slightly drunk and naked I followed Trevor into his room last Friday so he could give me one of his fantastic books. “It’s lovely,” he said picking up from his shelf Eggers’ You Shall Know Our Velocity, and I believed…Continue reading "Know our Velocity"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 24, 2004
| 11 comments
Mediating Reality
Since the Cord appeared on campus this morning I’ve been known as the guy in the newspaper who pierced his nipple. Everyone I ran into knew about my nipple — people either read my article (and cringed) or looked…Continue reading "Mediating Reality"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 18, 2004
| 5 comments
Sleepless, Falling
I keep falling. At 5:15 this morning, in the blistering cold, the lights turned red in front of me. For a second I thought I could make it across, flexed my muscles, but quickly changed my mind when the…Continue reading "Sleepless, Falling"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 12, 2004
| 7 comments
Uncomplicate
David Alexander wants to profit from my brilliance. “Write me a story,” he said. Because he lies so prettily I agreed to write him something uncomplicated and mildly pornographic for his fiction anthology. I didn’t start writing my story yet…Continue reading "Uncomplicate"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 08, 2004
| 7 comments
A Jest of God
Heather and I start arguing as soon as we enter a bookstore. She dislikes most of the books I love — they bore her, she says — and I always fail to convey to her the exquisite shivers books send…Continue reading "A Jest of God"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 07, 2004
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And the Gods will Answer
The God of technology himself answered my Cord article bewailing the futility of studying computer science in the age of outsourcing. Bill Gates went on a lecture tour last week trying to convince students that they can still earn a…Continue reading "And the Gods will Answer"
Posted by Tudor on Mar 01, 2004
| 3 comments
Navel Gazing
Not only does Heather dislike the environment — “we shouldn’t sacrificed our standard of living,” she said — but she also has strong feelings about my blog. This was enough to start a heated conversation on MSN last night. Heatha:…Continue reading "Navel Gazing"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 20, 2004
| 6 comments
Catch 22
A profane old man appears suddenly in the middle of Catch 22, spews out blasphemies for a couple of pages, and disappears again. Amazed, I had to read the passage twice this morning — the lecherous old man resembles me…Continue reading "Catch 22"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 19, 2004
| 3 comments
Media
As soon as the Cord arrived on campus, I picked a copy and eagerly flipped through it looking for my puzzled and dishevelled picture. I found it right beneath a feature article on democracy. “Now that I’ve been elected,” the…Continue reading "Media"
Posted by Tudor on Feb 13, 2004
| 3 comments
Has loneliness led you into ecstasy?
Cohen’s Beautiful Losers set my loins on fire, hard-on struggling to escape the confines of my pants. Last night I finished reading the book again, lost in words, unmeaning, and poetry. The words were pornographic, ecstatic, full of sound… “Fuck…Continue reading "Has loneliness led you into ecstasy?"
Posted by Tudor on Jan 08, 2004
| 6 comments
A Cold Bouquet of Phalli for John Woo
Even though I went shopping yesterday intending to buy nothing, I couldn’t resist the strange bouquet of aluminium phalli on sale at Future Shop. So I impulsively bought myself a tripod, which expands to great lengths and maddening beauty…Continue reading "A Cold Bouquet of Phalli for John Woo"
Posted by Tudor on Dec 27, 2003
| 2 comments
Emotional Pornography
Today, Jason sold me an erotic book in the concourse, and while we were making small talk he told me that he read my blog and found it depressing as fuck. And he’s quite right. What I write is often…Continue reading "Emotional Pornography"
Posted by Tudor on Nov 26, 2003
| 6 comments