Broken Images, All Alike

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 22:56:31 -0500

We had a good 8 1/2 years, blog. You were always there to see me through my angst-filled moments, and in return I rubbed my penis all over you. In some ways, it was just like a real relationship!

But change happens, I guess. And it's mostly good. In some ways, I'm no longer the same asshole I was back in 2003. In other ways, I still am.

For the last few months I've been at a turning point. I've been debating how much to share and how to go about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I need to start something fresh. Spring. New projects. Excitement.

So this is a good time to end things. Thank you, blog, for documenting the craziness over the last few years.

And thank you, lovely people, for all the love these last eight years. It was wonderful sharing them with you.

Live traps, death traps

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 11:21:51 -0500

About a week ago the mice that usually poop in my basement started to poop on my kitchen counters as well. Just little poops. Nothing to get excited about.

"Dog, catch the mice," I said.

Ryder looked at me with infinite comrehension but then proceeded to do nothing about it.

That's when I got the live traps and filled them with cheese. Cliche, I know. But mice love that shit.

So last night one of the mice went for the cheese. The trap only has a tiny plastic door that closes behind the mouse. But I guess he must've panicked -- he probably squirmed to escape all night and by the morning when I went to release him he was dead.

Sad, sad.

So I need a better trap -- a live trap that doesn't kill. Or I need to learn to live in squalor.

Any ideas?

Places

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 09:10:44 -0500

I think I found the best place in my neighbourhood. Down by the river there is an outdoors paintball arena that sits entirely abandoned in the winter. They've got everthing -- planes, trains, and automobilies. For real.

Ryder's favourite is the big school bus. She's all about public transportation.

[ More photos ]

X100 - It could've been so much better

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:37:29 -0500

I don't always write about camera gear because that shit's boring... but it's not every day that I get a new camera.

I've been salivating after a Fuji X100 since it's been announced: it looks fantastic, has a large SLR-size sensor, and a bright f/2.0 lens. "It can replace my SLR," I thought. "I'm could to take this baby to the top of mountains," I said.

Last week I finally tracked down a used X100 for a semi-reasonable price, and I was just about to trade in my clunky old gear in exchange for this pretty looking thing.

Good thing I didn't.

The x100 and I have spent a lot of quality time together, and despite its good looks it's a deeply disappointing camera.

There's nothing wrong with the images -- they're just fine. The X100 takes pretty pictures of things that are standing still like chunks of metal, shower curtains, my cold, cold heart. It's just when things get interesting and there is some movement that the camera just can't keep up.

The focusing is atrociously slow. The shutter lag ensures you'll only capture the moment after the moment. "May all your people pictures be full of awkward," Fuji seems to be saying. I must have been spoiled by my SLR, but this camera takes me back 10 years to the first Fuji I ever owned -- operationally they're not far apart.

Fuji, things could've been so much better.

But on the plus side, the camera does fit into most of my pockets. I wear manclothes!

[photos from the beast]

Midday pick me up

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 19:49:21 -0500

Today I traded in the regular coffee maker for a Chemex. Rather than drinking six mediocre cups of coffee each morning, I'm cutting back to a single good cup of coffee.

My counter is now as empty as my heart.

2011

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:40:14 -0500

Because I like to be nostalgic about the past, here's a look at 2011 in pictures, a time when we were younger, happier, and Corwin's hair was still blowing in the wind.

Went to the beach!

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 22:03:08 -0500

Sunny day! It seemed like a good idea to drive down to the beach today.

Unfortunately, the beach was taken over by waves. And the wind, god, the wind was so cold it took your breath away.

For most of the day the wind howled and Ryder howled right back. We had a very howl-y day.

Puppy Book!

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 15:42:34 -0500

Yay! So I put together a book of doggy pictures. Ryder is super-excited about it. Go look!

Happy Old Year

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 23:06:54 -0500

So a whole year passed, kids! What the hell have you been up to? Me? Same old, same old:

Spent a month on the road with the dog. Got a house. Posted my penis on teh Internets. Sigh. Some things never change.

It's been a happy year and a sad year. Just like most years. For one thing, I had a complete breakdown over wedding photos. But on the upside, I taught the dog to roll over.

I've been thinking a lot about cats.

Hillside

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 09:34:55 -0500

Hillside felt like a rebirth.

And it's not just because Keren and I swam naked to the middle of the lake on that hot Sunday, floating lazily while ferries zoomed by, and wondered if anyone was going to steal our clothes...

But pretty much everything else also felt fresh and new.

I learned about raising chickens -- animal husbandry plans now officially under way. And I got a puppet named George, who's drunk and lecherous and too much like me.

And of course, the music was all new, all startling -- whole new unexplored soundscape. As it turns out, the kids are all right. They play waltzes sardonically nowadays and they sound pretty good.

[flickr]

Look out Mountain, Look out Sea

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 14:56:27 -0500

Yes! I spent three weeks on the road, sleeping in tents and running through forests. Fantastic!

Ryder and I first headed for the White Mountains. So many peeks to climb, so much forest to explore with puppies. After days of spiraling through forests and streams and getting eaten alive by bugs, we went for a drive up Mt. Washington. I was skeptical about going up there.

"Too much of a tourist trap," I told the dog. "It's probably not going to be any fun for you at all."

But once we accelerated up the steep incline the forests disappeared and were replaced by tundra -- no trees just moss growing between rocks. Up there the wind was a hurricane and everything glittered in the sunshine. Each way you looked mountains floated on forever. Whee! So steep, so gorgeous.

And the wind had bite -- it was almost punishing. I pulled up my nylon Costco pants and windbreaker. The pants are black and shiny. Then I skipped with Ryder down the mountain like a warehouse Ninja. The dog leaped from one crumbling crag to another and we found lakes melting in the sky.

Still zooming with excitement on the way down we ran into some hitchhikers. This guy Bear and his girl like to go up mountains. There were signs saying not to pick up hitchhikers. So we gave them a ride. They told us about the climb.

"All of it was awesome," he said. Ryder and I are totally hiking up Mt. Washington next year.

...

By the time we drove into the Bay of Fundy a few days later, an inflammation the size of a baseball was eating my left ankle. I must have twisted my ankle something awful on one of the hikes. Thus, for most of the time we spent at Fundy I happily hopped around on one leg.

The tent was also vertically challenged. One of the support beams snapped in half in the middle of the night. The humidity probably got to it. For the whole week we were there an incredible wall of fog covered the land and the nights tasted like rain.

It took a while longer to learn to love Fundy. Unlike the mountains that are screaming excitement, Fundy is subtler. It wasn't until I spent a day on the beach and watch the tides move in and out that I was struck. So much heaving water. A 17m wall of water moves in and out every six hours. Rivers disappear and then form again.

The last night on the Bay of Fundy I celebrated by drinking a bottle of Port in my floppy tent with the dog. The dog celebrated by chewing a big rawhide bone.

"Baw-wow, crunch-crunch," Ryder said, which probably means "sweet, sweet bone" where she's from.

I promised her a bigger bone next year if she climbs up a mountain.

[flick]

Yay for new house!

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 08:56:02 -0500

The storm started as soon as I finished moving into the new house. It rained buckets.

Most of those buckets ended up in my basement.

"The basement is so damp and full of leaks I can run a mushroom farm down there," I told Keren. I love fungi because I'm a fun guy.

"You'll need to get some logs," she said. "Mushrooms love logs. But you should probably clean up the basement instead."

Home ownership has been crazy so far. I was planning to move in and paint some walls. Easy stuff. Instead, I've been living in my basement for a week killing mould, ripping out flooring, and filling cracks with hydraulic cement.

I'd say I've been living a dog's life, except the dog has it pretty awesome here. She loves sleeping in the yard, digging holes, and all that good stuff. Now I only have to train her to do basement waterproofing.

The Puppy's Guide to Hunting and Fishing

Sun, 08 May 2011 08:29:44 -0500

Ryder has always admired trains from the distance -- so shiny, so fast, their howl so much more piercing than her own. Yesterday she got to ride in the belly of the beast.

We got train tickets from Port Stanley to St. Thomas. Ryder got to ride for free. The train line is called L&PS. "It stands for Late and Poor Service," joked the conductor. Except that it wasn't a joke. He really didn't like dogs; he only let them on the train grudgingly.

The train shook as it left the station. It whistled. Ryder had a brief moment of panic. "Whee for choo-choos," I said, lifting her on the sit next to mine. She calmed down pretty soon after that and acted like a proper furry human the rest of the ride.

After the train ride, we went to howl at elephants (creatures who also have a complicated relationship with trains).

March...

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 21:21:18 -0500

Not much happened. Bought a house ... stage managed a play ... planned trips to Halifax.

And now, spring.

My Old Girl

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 21:15:44 -0500

Ryder is nearly five years old. I call her puppy, but I guess she's old in dog years -- all the other puppies probably think she's over the hill.

When I got her four years ago, I didn't really like her. She was a little savage, and I wanted a calm, indifferent coonhound. But she was also kinda cute and needy so she grew on me.

But even though she's old, she's still trouble.

She's getting me evicted.

Turns out she likes to howl when I'm not home. She's a hound. Her howls disturb my unemployed neighbours and the shady businesses downstairs.

"We have to do something about your dog," the landlord said. "I don't know what."

I told him I'm moving. Now when I'm at work, I make Ryder scour the Pennysaver for a place to live. I'll let her sniff out the next place. I guess she's old enough to make her own decisions now.